werewolfgal13 To prove there is a film worse than anything by Ed Wood, more horrendous than Tha' Hip Hop Witch or Manos one need only watch this abomination. The aforementioned films can at least be enjoyed with copious alcohol or MST3k episodes, Ankle Biters is beyond saving with either method. I've seen many many bad films in my time but most have some sort of saving grace: maybe the script is actually okay or the director has one or two neat things or there is one semi-talented actor or even the "so bad it's funny" factor comes into play. Even when films don't have any of those factors they at least have heart. Again not so with Ankle Biters. I was promised midget vampires and schlocky fun. As soon as my friend said midget vampires I was there ready for a rollicking good time I mean dwarfs and vampires together at last AWESOME!!! little did I know how wrong I was. Avoid at all costs unless you are an aspiring film maker who just needs a "if he can do it and get it on DVD so can I" kick in the pants.

randommesspaul I felt I owed it to the site to review the worst movie I have in my collection. I first watched it many months ago, and felt I needed to watch it again in order to do it justice. Now, you may have gathered by now that I actually like bad movies. It's not just a curiosity, I actually enjoy sitting and giggling away at the ineptness of them. So why is it that it took me two days to psyche myself up to watch it, and even as I placed it into the DVD player I was repeating to myself ... "it's only a movie, it's only a movie, it's only a movie"? The most obvious thing that hits you when you see this movie is the concept. Midget vampires. Surely this is a surefire winner, for a small Indy flick such as this? A bit of gore, a touch of comedy, plenty to work with to create a piece of entertaining trash. How did it go so horribly wrong? This is a movie that has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. It is inept on so many levels, that you will start to see levels you didn't even know existed in a movie. Even the title itself is pretty inaccurate. Yes, the midgets do go for your ankles, but they also equally will go for any part of the body except your neck. Generic body part biters would be more accurate. Less catchy perhaps, but more accurate. But answer this. If you were a midget vampire, surely the best place to bite a regular sized human would be around the waist area? It would save you from having to crawl around on the floor so much. After all, you're a midget, not an idiot. Besides there would be more blood there than your ankles.So the main character, is a puny, white version of Blade. He's a half-breed vampire, a descendant of the last tall vampire (who shagged his granny). And so he has decided, for some reason to be a good guy, and kill midget vampires. He has great quips, and lines, such as "Hey.. shorty" or "Hey ... short-stuff". Occasionally he will take off his glasses to show you he is wearing those silly contact lenses that make your eyes look like cats eyes. Then there is his annoying sidekick. Something I have learnt from this movie is that if a midget is human, it is necessary for him to be a smart arse. however it's possibly worth it just for the scene where T-bone picks up Blade and spins him about. Possibly the only comedic moment in the entire film. As for the rest of the characters, you will come to the end of the movie not even knowing their names, even if you cared, because the sound quality of this film is so bad that you could do better with a home camcorder . I was having to fight with the volume consistently as it shifted between people talking close up, people talking far away and the sound effects that were obviously added in afterwards. To add to this, there is an overlay of music that is a cross between rap, Heavy Metal, Techno and country. Four extremes of music mashed together to make one horrific soundtrack.The movie tries it's best to dispel any common myths about vampires, (although no mention of why they live in redneck country). If you try to stab a vampire with a wooden steak, they will "take it out and shove it up your ass". They have sensitive eyes, but don't explode in sunlight, don't hate garlic, have reflections and "if you ask me if I can turn into a bat, I'll knock your ass across the room". glad we cleared that one up. I was starting to get worried for a second. Yet at the same time brings a whole new myth that makes no sense whatsoever. Apparently the only way to kill a vampire is to inject it with vampire blood. unless, that is, your 're a half breed vampire, in which case it makes you stronger, and makes your ears morph and go pointier. Much better than the turning into a bat thing.Moving onto the action, if you can call it that. How has the director managed to make a pub fight, with loads of fighters boring? It should be easy, punches flying, people flying, glass smashing, no problem. Yet this is the slowest, most badly organised punch up I have ever seen. The punches are obviously missing, the throws are obviously being assisted by the victims jumping, and everyone seems to stop after each attack, trying to work out who's turn it is next. The average amount of punching it takes to beat up someone else is one punch per person. Other 'action' sequences don't get much better, with the same, unique ineptness showing through at every angle.In reviewing 'ankle biters' I feel I have barely scraped the surface of it's badness. I haven't even mentioned the vampires squeaky 'Gremlin' laugh, or the midget Bill Cosby. Then there's the fact that tall vampires can't talk, but like to kill people with broomsticks for fun, not food. Or the monotonous tone in which every line is mis-delivered with a two to three second gap between each one, filled out with awkward staring. And also the fact that a lap dance is always out of the question.In Conclusion I think I can conclusively say that this movie is a lot more painful that 'Manos the hands of Fate'. This is the worst movie I have ever seen. Please don't make me watch it again, please, please!

blacksun_moh The film is quite simply a life changing experience for until you have seen this film you can never, ever, ever truly say that you have seen a bad film. This film is an absolute must see otherwise you can never appreciate what the people on these message boards and i have witnessed.The plot (for what its worth it does kind of have one) is just plain stupid, midget vampires trying to bring back tall vampires. And the script is so bad there are porn writers in Hollywood using it as toilet paper. And as for the camera work, direction and production i only need to tell you two things that actually happened in the film to give you some idea of how much effort and thought they put into this.A scene with one of the midget vampires takes place in broad daylight, the film is set in Atlanta (it looks more like Texas to be honest with you) so needless to say thats its pretty damn sunny. And in order to create the illusion of one of the midget vampires jumping on a table they simply made him jump of it and played it backwards. They must have been pretty pleased with how this panned out because they used the exact same trick....as a matter of fact i believe it was even the exact same shot 3 times! For the amount of effort this thing must have taken i would say it doesn't even deserve to be rewarded with a spot on the worst 100 films of all time, but, i do believe that it is without doubt the worst film ever made. So with that in mind who are we to deprive this film of its place in history? Come on people get watching and voting, there can't be anything worse than this out there.

perpetualwar okay. i rented this just on the fact that when i saw the cover, i laughed at the name, and when i saw Vampire Dwarfs on the back, i just HAD to see this movie. I put it in my player.. and as much as its not much of a "horror" movie.. the really low quality production, really bad acting, cheesy one-liners by the "hero" of the movie, it kind of looked like a Canadian after-school special (you Canadians know what I'm talking about). It was just... GREAT.. I mean, if you don't like B-Movies with REALLY bad production, don't watch it.. if that doesn't bother you, go get it!... I think i may even have to go and buy this movie. This takes MUST SEE TV to a whole new level. Anyone who doesn't like this movie, needs their heads checked=)