drdeathforpresident Four jewel thieves(Karen, Kirk, Phillip, Susan) steal a jeep and end up in Hillbilly Country. They abandon the jeep on the side of the road, walk through the woods which seems like eons until they spot a small farm house in the middle of nowhere. They hide out there till the heat cools down. A dim - witted wife (Reba Sue Craven) and her religious alcoholic old man (Harlan P. Craven)live there and boy they are boring. Harlan gets drunk on his own moonshine and religiously listens to radio sermons. Reba is emotional wrecked and she just wants to get laid but drunk hubby is not giving her any loving. Kirk, who doesn't have an off button, eventually nails Reba. Kirk's girlfriend gets wind of this and she gets into a scuffle with Reba. Reba kills his girlfriend with a planter (I could be wrong; memory doesn't serve me well on this. I do apologize.)FAST FORWARD: Kirk wants in on Harlan's moonshine business so Harlan stabs him repeatedly in the neck with a pitchfork. Harlan and his doofus partner, Tobe, freak out and leave in the stolen jeep. Phillip gives chase. The boys run out of gas and hide out in the woods. Phillip hunts them down like the animals they are and only Tobe dies thanks to a bear trap that Harlan put there last year. Harlan, drunk off his ass and holding on to a makeshift walking stick gets down on his knees and prays to god to get him out of this. Phillip eventually catches up to Harlan. Harlan beats the life out of Phillip with the walking stick. Harlan hobbles back home happy he survived the life and death situation. All is lost however when Reba gets greedy and off screen shoots and kills Harlan. I guess diamonds are a girl's best friend. John Carradine spews out quotes from the bible in between scenes. There is no gore unless you count the red paint on the actor's faces. PG - 13 at best.

Coventry There are certain movies you just HAVE TO watch if only for their titles alone. With such a title you automatically tend to think "how bad can it possibly be … right?" Of course, only a few minutes into the film and you can't but realize how awful it is and all of a sudden the title doesn't sound that funny anymore. A few minutes … that's how long it takes in order to be exposed to a world of horrible acting performances by randomly selected yokels, incomprehensible dialog and no plot development whatsoever. During the intro we have John Carradine (him again … the more bad B-movies I discover, the more I encounter his fatigue face) murmuring something about being the devil and thus He who decides whether a person goes to hell or not. Apparently this sequence, and a couple of other ones featuring Carradine, where edited into the film by Fred Olen Ray afterwards! Okay, now I understand how Olen Ray has over 110 movies on his repertoire as a director and Carradine over 340 as an actor! Anyway, after the Judge of Hell's bizarre uttering, we switch towards a remote countryside setting. We have a party of four, people that couldn't possibly look less connected to each other, wandering through the woods and finding shelter in a secluded farm house. Apparently they are fugitive jewel thieves, but these people honestly look way too dumb to commit any sort of theft, let alone jewelery. You would then subsequently expect for the "Demented Death Farm Massacre" to ensue, but no … First there's a lot of arguing about the difference between stealing a jeep and picking up what other people threw away (seriously, who "throws away" a jeep?) and other totally random and nonsensical gibberish. The fattest and ugliest redneck I've ever seen is married to a beautiful young girl with impressive cleavage. It is later explained that her father owed the fat bastard $200 and they settled it with a marriage. That's hillbilly logic for you! Every dialog is drawn out five or six times more than necessary and the "action" sequences are shot in slow-motion. They literally do everything here in order to reach a normal playtime. The absolute most shameless attempt to fill up the running time is an extremely long monologue of a guy talking to God. Seriously, FOUR full minutes of staring at a dumb yokel talking to the sky! There's so much talking in this movie, it's crazy. Either the screenplay contained approximately 7,000 pages or these rednecks were just instructed to improvise whatever the wanted. Naturally, there's also a chase through the woods guided by the obligatory banjo music and incompetent cinematography. In the end, the only "demented" thing about this movie is that there are idiots like myself who watch it. The "Death Farm" is just a shed in somebody's garden and the only farming tool used in the "Massacre" is a pitchfork. Lame.

doctorgonzo23 I am usually a big fan of movies like this one, however I felt that this film failed to deliver on several levels. Firstly, and it might just be my copy, the sound (especially the dialog) was awful. I was sure I could hear a generator running in several places; probably to keep the lights/other equipment going. The characters were horrible. I can't even complain about clichés and stereotypes as these particular characters were far too one dimensional for even those embarrassing labels. It is fun to listen to the "actors" flub their lines and awkwardly phrase even the most dry dialog. Worst of all however, was the complete lack of nudity/gore. There were some tantalizing glimpses that held some promise, but it was disappointing in the end. The one exception is a murder by pitchfork, but it was short and ultimately underwhelming. Best left alone even for fans of the genre. There are so many more worthy pieces out there that deliver the goods. All in all, I found myself bored and reaching for the fast forward button.

HEFILM Moments mostly of bad film-making. It is, to me anyway, clearly not a horror film that got messed with some in the editing to try to make it more horrifying--with little success. Though none of the performances are really much good, some have a regional theater style fascination. You'll hope for real nudity, but your hope with remain only a hope by and large. The failed camp nature of the thing is somehow less painful than in other purely Fred Olen Ray movies, so maybe he didn't have that much to do with this one.Total crapola post production sound job leads to more laughs and they try real hard to use sounds that don't match the picture, it's like they only have one FX CD just had to make it work for everything--though there is very little in the way of polish on any level. The first, and one of the only, night scenes in the movie is almost entirely out of focus and grainy.It's sort of going for a 2000 Maniacs feel I suppose only less well made--yes that's what I said.