Leofwine_draca Financed in the US and shot in Greece by Nico Mastorakis, director of the infamous video nasty ISLAND OF DEATH, HIRED TO KILL ought to be a lot more fun than it actually is. Hell, it's a film that stars muscle-bound Brian Thompson playing a secret agent playing a gay fashion designer, who must take his crew of femme fatales (read: '80s bimbos) to a fictional country and overthrow an evil dictator there, played by an absolutely paralytic Oliver Reed! How can that not be fun? The answer is that, although this is an action film in the COMMANDO mould, there's a dearth of action for the entire first hour and whatnot, and the shoot-out climax doesn't really cut the mustard either.So how does this work? As an uneasy comedy for the most part. Thompson, usually cast as a heavy in the likes of COBRA, is actually one of the highlights, having fun spoofing his usual character and going along with the gay stuff. He's supported by a female cast who may not have much acting talent between them, but sure are pretty, in a sun-bleached BAYWATCH way, at least. Best of all are the appearance of three old-time actors hamming it up in various roles: there's an ancient-looking Jose Ferrer playing a rebel leader, George Kennedy as the slimy American who finances the operation, and best of all Oliver Reed as the bad guy. By this time, Reed's face was a permanent blotchy red thanks to his years of alcohol abuse, and it's kind of sad to see him in this way. Nevertheless, his scenes are fun, especially the homosexual interlude between Reed and Thompson, which has to be seen to be believed! Sadly, there's a lot of boredom here amid the cheese, and efforts to throw in some topless nudity don't really work. The action scenes are ineptly staged and poorly edited, and there's an almost total lack of bloodshed as well. The Greek locations look nice, though, and kudos for the explosions and helicopter stunts at the climax: the latter saw one stuntman killed in a helicopter crash. HIRED TO KILL is a piece of fluff, badly staged, and often unintentionally funny; B-movie fans only need apply.

FlashCallahan To the untrained, casual action film fan, this is just another run of the mill wannabe Arnie movie about a ruthless special guest star who is trying to take control of a country for one reason or another, so another special guest star hires a beefcake to help overthrow him.But the thing that makes this film standout just that little bit more from other straight to video movies is just how the the rag tag team get into the country....A fashion photographer and seven models travel to a South American island fortress, ostensibly to do a fashion shoot. In reality, the photographer is a mercenary and their job is to free an imprisoned rebel leader.........And that plot synopsis is the only reason to watch this otherwise dull, by the numbers action movie where our heroes shoot monochrome uniform wearing bad guys, and watch them fall down dying in the silliest way possible.Thompson does have screen presence, but it's not in this. He's too busy trying to channel Stallone and Schwarzeneggar, when he should have just made his character his own, and try not to guess what the audience wanted.But whenever the group are in their 'disguise' the film goes camp, and almost turns into another genre movie, and the scene between Reed and Thompson should have been a turning point for the movie, but it turns out like a smutty joke from a below par carry on movie.It's a bizarre piece for sure, bookended by George Kennedy in a hotel room.It should have been a blast, but instead, it's just a little bit boring, with a good stunt at the end.

Comeuppance Reviews No one can say Frank Ryan (Thompson) isn't awesome. As a badass mercenary, he plays by his own rules. But when Thomas (Kennedy) approaches the hulking brute with a new assignment, at first he's wary. He must travel to the small country of Cypra and rescue a political prisoner named Rallis (Ferrer). But in order to do this, he must pretend to be a gay fashion designer and have a retinue of seven fashion models. Did you think there would be another way to get that job done? This initially chaps Ryan's hide, as he's an ultra-macho warrior who "doesn't like working with women". But these aren't ordinary women, they're all specially trained in the fighting arts. The only real obstacle standing in their way is the president of Cypra, one Michael Bartos (Reed) and his goons. Will Ryan and his lethal ladies be able to extract the prisoner and complete their mission? Find out today…It was nice to see fan-favorite Brian Thompson as the main hero for once. He usually plays the baddie, and he deserves a starring role like this. He gets a great intro to his character, doing something to a ringing phone that we've all fantasized about doing at one time or another. But that's about it for character development for Frank Ryan, all we need to know is that he's a grizzled, tanktop-wearing, musclebound belligerent jackass/hero. But how could Thompson be a villain this time around, when the great Oliver Reed fills the role with aplomb? Sure, Reed's absurd, bushy mustache makes him look like a cross between David Crosby and a walrus, but it's all part of the fun. Hired to Kill isn't that dissimilar from another "Oliver Reed hitting the skids" movie, Rage to Kill (1988). Maybe he demanded only to be in "…to Kill" movies to cap off his career.Jose Ferrer doesn't do that much, and George Kennedy wears some cool glasses. You've got to hand it to director Mastorakis. He can usually corral together a bunch of B-stars like this and create a product perfect for the VHS market of the day. Kennedy also worked with Mastorakis on Nightmare at Noon (1988), as you may remember. Essentially, Hired to Kill is a non-South America-set El Presidente movie, and of course Ryan has to assemble a team, and naturally there's a training sequence. But those time-honored classic items are filled with babes. The scenario is reminiscent of Hell Squad (1986), but just call it the "fem-spendables".So while there are plenty of talky bits in the middle, it all comes to a nice, Red Scorpion (1988)-like climax (Thompson even resembles Dolph at times), and there is some classic un-PC dialogue. Plus he sits down while shirtlessly shooting a machine gun and wearing sunglasses. Usually it's some maniac standing and screaming while doing that. Thompson adds some casual cool to his murderous rage. Featuring the song "Do It For the Money" by Thomas Marolda, which is very similar to Deion Sanders' "Must Be the Money" of a few years later (could it be that "Neon Deion" is a fan of this movie?) Hired to Kill does get a little dull at times, but the stars, especially Thompson, and the eye candy, keep it afloat.

gridoon There's plenty of eye-candy here (though Mastorakis had the brilliant idea to kill off the gorgeous babe Barbara Lee Alexander halfway through), and Brian Thomson gives a funny performance, playing the usual "macho" stereotype and spoofing it at the same time. As an action movie, however, "Hired to Kill" is unpretentious but absurd: there is no real action until the last 30 minutes...then there is one of those "Commando"-type endings where the inept bad guys are essentially just stunt men waiting for their cue to "die". The plot is totally anachronistic - brave commandos (preferably American) rescuing a revolutionary leader and overthrowing the local dictator of some banana republic - but the funny part is that, because the film was shot in Corfu, Greece, it was impossible to set it in the usual unnamed Latin American banana republic, so Mastorakis created a fictional Mediterranean country named Cypra (!!!). Hmmm, I wonder which real country's name he was trying oh-so-subtly to avoid...By the way, is this the official low point of Oliver Reed's career? (probably not) (*1/2)