Wuchak RELEASED IN 1991 and directed by Michael Lehmann, "Hudson Hawk" stars Bruce Willis as the titular expert cat burglar who has just been released from prison and intends on going straight, but he's blackmailed by the eccentric Mayflower couple (Richard E. Grant & Sandra Bernhard) into stealing works of Leonardo da Vinci for a gold-making machine that will destroy the world's economy. Danny Aiello plays Hawk's partner and Andie MacDowell his maybe babe. James Coburn is on hand as a top CIA agent.The film advertises right out of the gate that it's a goofy comedy, a parody of caper/spy flicks. The creators & cast bend over backwards to amuse the audience, but there are too few lulls to catch your breath. It's an almost constant barrage of over-the-top camp and comedy. I laughed several times, but too often I didn't. Still, it's a likable albeit curious throwaway comedy and should especially be worthwhile for fans of the cast. It cost an incredible $65 million (no doubt due to the costly globetrotting) and understandably flopped at the box office.THE MOVIE RUNS 1 hour, 40 minutes and was shot in California, New York, New Jersey, Italy, Vatican City, Hungary and London. WRITERS: Story by Bruce Willis & Robert Kraft; screenplay by Steven E. de Souza & Daniel Waters.GRADE: C

cmp_gr Yes, there is some action, but this cannot save the film from being unacceptably stupid. Neither the famous names can change anything in that. As to comedy, I have been unable even to smile with all these nonsense. The film is just pathetic. My vote 1/10.

kira02bit Comic action film centering on crackerjack cat burglar Bruce Willis, fresh from prison, who is blackmailed into stealing priceless works of art by a psychotic wealthy couple (Richard A. Grant and Sandra Bernhard) lest they murder his best friend Danny Aeillo.Hudson Hawk is notorious in the annals of legendary horrible film-making as a total debacle. Still, such films can be fun in retrospect. Not so much for this one. Willis is the driving creative force behind the film (and I use creative cautiously), having been a producer, writer and lead actor. One wonders why he stopped himself from stepping into the director's chair, but I guess even Willis has his limits, so he graciously allows director Michael Lehman to fall on the sword in that capacity. One would think since Willis wrote the mess of a screenplay that it would at least play to his strengths. If so, then one can only presume that constant smirking and smug arrogance are Willis' only cards to play. Truthfully, if an actress had perpetrated this worthless spectacle, her career would have been over before the print on the first reviews was dry. As evidence of the Hollywood double standard, Willis was allowed to carry on despite disastrous box office with nary a blip.The film's biggest clever flourish is having Willis and Aeillo carry out their heists in time to music. It sounds much better than it plays. And one comes to the fast conclusion that this was less an interesting idea, then an attempt to allow Willis and Aeillo, neither particularly good singers, to defile some otherwise sturdy old standards.The plot - or whatever you call this - is so insane and all over the map that it is virtually incomprehensible. It plays like something someone wrote after a major bender and while still experiencing intermittent black-outs. A perfect example is the leading lady role. Andie MacDowell looks luminous, but literally seems to have no idea what she is doing in this film (nor do we for that matter). She is cast as an undercover secret agent nun dispatched by the Vatican to...who knows. Ironically casting MacDowell as a nun means that Willis does not have to waste time developing any romantic chemistry with her and, although she manages to be present for the film's concluding action scenes, she functions as little more than adornment or furniture for all the impact she has.The less said about Willis in the title role, the better. Grant and especially Bernhard are virtually unendurable contributing unwatchable performances as the Nick and Nora Charles of villainy. Truthfully, we never have much of an idea of what they are up to and they seem less villainous than simply an endurance test for the viewer, often shrieking their lines as though they caught their big toe in a mouse trap. Aeillo is equally appalling. With Do the Right Thing and Moonstruck, Aeillo seemed briefly to actually be a decent actor, before degenerating in whiny second banana/bad character roles. Here, he is supposed to be funny and winning, but instead seems oddly pathetic and has never more than here resembled an overgrown mutant man-child. One can easily see him cast as the big screen's Baby Huey with no make-up or costume required. At one point, his character seemingly hurls to a fiery death and one realizes what a relief it is to no longer have him on screen.Willis's vanity piece is perpetually dumb where it should be funny, smug where it should be clever, loud and chaotic where it should be exciting, boring where it should be fast-paced, and finally a complete waste of space and time.

Mr-Fusion HUDSON HAWK is one of those movies you just have to see to believe ... mostly to believe it ever actually happened. It's like a movie version of Bruce Willis' The Return of Bruno shtick, but without the actor's natural charisma. It's an unlikable performance, which is surprising, seeing as he wasn't yet the complete prick we all know today. The idea of Willis and Danny Aiello timing their cat burglar heist to the length of a song was kind of amusing, but the movie needed more of that jackassery. Instead, there's a lot of forced comedy, Sandra Bernhard (agh!) and long stretches of ridiculous story that you wish would go somewhere. This movie was already pretty silly while we were still stateside, but once we land in Rome, it all goes whacko. But it's not the good kind, and this thing was a real chore to sit through.4/10