Crap_Connoisseur
I'm not sure what I expected from a film starring two of the worst actresses ever to (dis)grace the silver screen, but Kill Cruise is even worse than I could have imagined. This is possibly the first thriller without any thrills. In fact, it should be re-named "Two Irritating Slappers Stuck On A Yacht".The film begins promisingly. Patsy Kensit (Su) and Liz Hurley (Lou) perform an appalling musical number in a club and then Liz performs an impromptu strip, flashing her boobs. Unfortunately, the comedy ends there. Su and Lou pick up a drunken German skipper (an embarrassed looking Juergen Prochnow) for what I assume was a threesome and decide to sail with him to Bermuda. Shortly into the trip, Su becomes jealous of the relationship developing between Lou and the skipper and generally behaves like an idiot. This jealousy then escalates into general insanity.Kill Cruise doesn't even have the decency to be a mildly amusing "Dead Calm" rip off. That film exploited the claustrophobic atmosphere of a yacht to magnificent effect. Kill Cruise doesn't even bother, in fact nothing really happens. The most thrilling moment is probably when everyone falls asleep and the ship hits some empty oil barrels. Now that will have you on the edge of your seat. The finale itself is so anti-climactic that it borders on being shameful. The twist is utterly nonsensical and the epilogue is so stupid and irrelevant that it almost defies belief.The only reason I give this film 3 stars instead of 1 is out of sympathy for Juergen Prochnow, who does his best despite the ridiculous material that he has to work with. The only other thing the film has going for it is the opportunity to laugh at the amazing lack of acting ability displayed by Liz and Patsy. What a sorry pair.Kill Cruise really is an exercise in futility. If you are going to make a thriller, please provide some thrills. And if you are going to disguise your dull epic as a "character study", then at least flesh out the characters and try to make their actions vaguely believable. This is one cruise you will be happy to skip.
tashhh2004
WEll this was a true tale of the seas, that would have been better left bobbing around like the corker it is. The crew were good looking enough but they were so slovenly that they deserved to be keel hauled before breakfast, (for the sharks that is). The only reason to keep watching beyond the first few minutes is the vain hope that the two crew might get it on, so let me save you the trouble and let you know that they don't. I have to say that Hurley was virtually unrecognizable, whether it was pre-surgery or that simply thinning her eye brows really dose the trick, I am not sure. To sum it up I think it would have best served each of their careers, including the director, if this film had simply sunk without trace or even a ripple. Aye aye cap'n, loose the ma'n sail, hard to port if you get my drift.
wrbtu
The original box for the video featured Patsy Kensit, who at that time looked like she was going to become a big star. It never happened, & now Elizabeth Hurley (who receives third billing) is featured on the front of the video box. My, how things change! This is a slow moving but very unusual & interesting character study of three people on a small boat, traveling from Gibralter to Barbados. The acting is superb (especially Kensit & Prochnow, both of whom have much charisma), the changing small group dynamics are very interesting for viewers who like character studies, & there's quite a surprise in the plot. Notice the double standard of Kensit's character as she first has sex with a man (in exchange for something she expects but never gets) & then disapproves her friend's (Hurley's) going a bit "too far" after their burlesque dance routine. It's this same ambiguity that drives her character throughout the movie. Hurley is shown semi-nude briefly a couple of times, so that may either peak your interest or turn you off; not for younger viewers. Stick with it during the slow moments, it's worth it. I rate it 8/10.
maralex
I enjoyed this movie a lot more than it deserved! The three main characters were so well portrayed that it kept me hooked despite the fact that I never did understand what motivated the girls, Liz Hurley and Patsy Kensit. The surprise ending possibly made it seem better than it was, because it didn't really make sense. In this movie the parts were better than the whole, which is weird.
AD
