brando647 Convincing a friend to watch ROBO VAMPIRE is an exercise in trust. It's near impossible to explain in any great detail what's so fun about it. It's something that has to be experienced first-hand. I had zero knowledge of what to expect when I first sat down to watch this beauty. It was one of 50 public domain Z-grade movies in a cheap collection I grabbed for $10. Then an Internet search brought me to the cover art of Robocop clutching what I assumed to be the titular vampire in the foreground while the world exploded behind them. I was sold, if cautious. What I proceeded to watch was beyond words. I was often so wracked with laughter that I was forced to pause the movie so I wouldn't miss a minute of it. It's hard to put the plot of ROBO VAMPIRE into words with any sort of confidence but I'll try my best to give you an idea. It's about heroin smuggling in Asia. There's a drug kingpin who's grown tired of a particular "anti-drug agent" (I'll assume he means DEA) named Tom, and he's hired a Taoist to train vampires to handle it. Tom dies in a bust gone wrong and, before his corpse has time to cool, he's turned into a robot cop. A sort of…Robo-Tom. Meanwhile, in another potentially unrelated storyline, another "anti-drug agent" named Sophie is taken hostage by what may or may not be the same drug operation and a special team is sent to bring her home.When the movie was finally over and I had endured the hurricane of pure insanity that was ROBO VAMPIRE, I found some info that gave some context to what I had just watched. There's a very distinct feeling that you're watching two entirely separate movies play out through ROBO VAMPIRE and that's because you essentially are. It was a product of Filmark International Ltd and producer Tomas Tang, who would shot a bunch of random martial arts footage and insert it into half-finished movies to create a cinematic Frankenstein. Once you're aware of that, it's impossible not to notice. It didn't click with me the first time I watched it but now I can't help but notice the whole Robo-Tom plot thread never once crosses over with the Sophie rescue thread. Not a single character crosses the border between stories. ROBO VAMPIRE is about 65% rescue and 35% robot versus vampires. This is all wrong. It needs to be 75% robot/vampires. Maybe more. The rescue operation has its moments. There's a great stunt dive when Sophie does a running jump through a window and we see a stocky, hair man in a bad wig and nightgown nail the landing. There's plenty of bloodless gunfights and martial arts battles with stuntmen throwing themselves around. The dubbing is generic action movie dialogue and characters are interchangeable because no one is anything more than one-dimensional. It serves its purpose but the real gold is to be found in the rare occasions when we rejoin Robo-Tom and the vampires.Where to start?! Well not that anyone will be surprised but Robo-Tom looks nothing like Robocop. He's a no-budget rip-off, covered in silver-painted safety padding with goggles and a helmet. The vampires wear some sort of traditional Chinese dress and are at least given a little makeup to give the impression of decay on their faces. And they hop! These vampires can only movie via hopping, jumping, leaping, or straight up teleporting. Their attacks include corrosive smoke and bottle rockets fired from their sleeves. In addition to the hordes of regular vampires, there's one super vampire of which the Taoist is super proud. You can tell he's more powerful than the rest because the character has a gorilla's face (i.e. a gorilla Halloween mask). The super vampire is also in love with a ghost woman who is mad because she was hoping to live eternally in the afterlife with her beloved only to watch him become a vampire slave. The Taoist agrees to marry the two together as long as they are under his command. Meanwhile, Robo-Tom proves to be effective against vampires but still can't handle a direct bazooka blast. That's totally fine though because, even when he's melted to a puddle of liquid aluminum foil, all he needs is a little soldering a maybe a new battery before he's back on the beat. ROBO VAMPIRE is totally bonkers and, even when there's no robot or vampires on screen, never let's you get bored. The best news of all? There's two "sequels" out there from Tomas Tang that I haven't seen yet.Bucket list updated.

Woodyanders This astoundingly abysmal piece of unmitigated schlock rates highly as one of the single most sublimely stupid and sidesplitting kitsch hoots I've had the pleasure to watch in quite a while. An evil drug lord uses a bunch of rot-faced hopping vampires to retain his power. Narcotics agent Tom Wilde gets shot and killed in the line of duty. He's brought back to life as a lethal and unstoppable cyborg who looks like he's been wrapped from head to toe in bright shiny tin foil. Meanwhile a macho meathead mercenary guy battles dope dealers in the jungle who have abducted a beautiful blonde babe agent. Boy, does this jaw-dropping dreadful doozy possess all the correct so-utterly-wrong-that-they're-paradoxically-right stuff to qualify as a real four-star stinkeroonie: fumbling (mis)direction, priceless dopey dialogue (favorite line: "Kill the priest, quick!"), ineptly staged shoot-outs, hilariously horrible dubbing, plentiful gut-busting over-the-top chopysocky fight scenes, broadly drawn characters, horrendously hammy acting, a silly romantic subplot involving the head vampire guy who can fire sparks from his fingertips and a sexy ghost girl wearing a semi-transparent gown (said sexy ghost girl is obviously doubled by a man during her more strenuous fight scenes!), a generic hum'n'shiver synthesizer score, outrageously gruesome, yet tacky gore, a rambling and barely coherent narrative (this flick is clearly two separate movies which have been sloppily edited together), a nonstop frantic pace, and a seriously messed-up story that clumsily combines elements of horror, action, martial arts, crime thriller and even comedy into a spectacularly ungodly brew. An undeniably awful, but often uproarious and always immensely entertaining serving of infectiously inane celluloid lunacy.

Herlander Carvalho I've seen this movie about 10 years ago (and made a comment in IMDb, which has been erased...) I could not believe my eyes when I saw the hopping vampires (though I already knew about them 'cause I first read a reference about this movie in some book about vampires and stuff) Then in some "lucky" day I found the video in a Video Club and I said to a friend of mine: "WE HAVE TO RENT IT!!!" I just rewind the tape over and over again in one final scene where "Robocop" and the leaping vampires looked like they were playing some game in the kinder garden playground! It was too hilarious.Ed Wood compared to this is just children play... This IS the most stupid, worst, non-sense and plot less movie I ever saw in my life! In fact I'm even hesitating on how should I rate this movie... 1 or 10??

Jjjkurosu If robo vampire doesn't make you laugh till you cry then you have no sense of humor. Everything about it is so bad, it begs for you to watch again to catch even more plot holes, or at least a couple more laughs.The movie claims to be about some drug agent who gets killed and is then reborn as a vampire-fighting robo warrior. But really the movie revolves around a plot about a kidnapped(and somehow beautiful) female agent named Sophie, with a robotic story planted on. Everything is purely cheese in this movie. Robo-Warriors' costume looks like something you'd see in an elementary school play. He fights vampires that do everything but suck blood( they hop, they appear out of the ground, they shoot fireballs out of their arms). A third subplot about a half-naked ghost chick is completely confusing and terrible. The best part is when the blonde haired female drug agent Sophie jumps out of a window from enemies, and her stunt double is clearly a gray haired man in a dress(!).On top of all of this you have to remember that the only reason that there are vampires in this movie is because the drug dealers hired them!I don't care what anyone says, movies this bad should be cherished, and MUST be seen to be believed.