Leofwine_draca
I guess the SyFy Channel thought they were on to something when they decided to make ARACHNOQUAKE, a combination of two of their preferred genres - the monster movie and the disaster flick. It's a what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of movie, in which various characters are menaced by prehistoric underground spiders released thanks to some earthquake action. Oh, and said spiders can breathe fire...Yep, it's as silly as it sounds, and the execution couldn't be cheesier. There are CGI spiders running galore and none of them are remotely convincing. Sadly, ARACHOQUAKE also fails to be fun for the most part. It tries and fails to incorporate influences from the Grindhouse-style opening to events and stylistics copied from PIRANHA 3D, but it just can't catch a break. The humour's dumb and the characters dumber, and you end up just waiting for things to finish.There are a few past-it actors who've been rounded up to appear here, including TERMINATOR 2's Edward Furlong. Now, I know Furlong has aged quite badly over the years, but to be cast as the father of a teenage girl and husband of a 40-something wife is just ridiculous. None of the other cast members fare better, but you can hardly blame them when the characters are so thinly-drawn. Sadly, ARACHNOQUAKE is a film that fails as both a disaster AND a monster movie.
richieandsam
ARACHNOQUAKEYes... it is as bad as it sounds.This film is brilliant for comedy value. It is a B-movie with b-movie acting and b-movie effects.The film is about a lot of giant fire breathing spiders running wild killing people.The story is terrible. Nothing really makes any sense. Nothing is explained.The acting is so bad in this film, it is no wonder I have not heard of most of the cast... but there is one famous face in this. Edward Furlong... oh dear. His career has gone downhill. The thing is, he is a good actor. I obviously loved him in Terminator 2, and he also made a fantastic movie called Brainscan... But I don't know what he was thinking when he agreed to be in this. His acting is as bad as everyone elses!Also, in this movie his character is married with 2 children... his wife looks old enough to be him Mum and his 2 kids look old. I mean, it looks like he had these 2 kids when he was 8 years old! I can't help but think that casting was not very good.There was some brilliant comedy moments in this. If you like movies that doesn't really take itself too seriously, then you will love this.I really enjoyed it, but only because it had me laughing at it from beginning to end.I will give this film 5 out of 10.But it only gets that rating because I have not laughed that much for a long time.For more reviews, please like my Facebook page:https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ordinary-Person-Movie- Reviews/456572047728204?ref=hl
trashgang
Another entry in the trash of SyFy flicks. I only gave it a shot because Edward Furlong was in it, you know, the young dude from Terminator 2 (1991). From the beginning the spiders are on-screen and that was rather okay because the action came in from the beginning. But on the other hand it looked ridiculous due the CGI used.In the beginning the spiders are rather small and believable but once they are throwing fire (CGI) towards humans it becomes laughable. After that the spiders become bigger and bigger and it all ends with a King Kong situation.The story if there was any was stupid and the acting wasn't convincing at all. If you pop up a beer with friends then you will laugh a lot but further this doesn't give us anything at all.Gore 0/5 Nudity 0/5 Effects 1/5 Story 1/5 Comedy 0/5
Michael_Elliott
Arachnoquake (2012) * 1/2 (out of 4) The latest film to debut on the SyFy channel has New Orleans being hit by an earthquake, which causes the ground to crack open and soon large, pink spiders are attacking people. Those expecting a fun monster mash are going to be disappointed because this film is pretty bad from the word go and it never picks up any speed. You know, I understand that horror films need dumb characters to do dumb things but there's a certain line you shouldn't cross in terms of dumbness and this film crosses that line and makes it's own new line. I really couldn't believe how stupid all of these characters were. So, you see a giant pink spider coming at you so what do you do? Well, of course, you pick it up. There are six or seven small spiders about the size of a baseball card coming after you so what do you do? Step on them? You'd think so but the characters here just jump around like little children. The entire film pretty much doesn't have an ounce of brains going for it and this doesn't cause any "fun" but instead it makes you grow more and more aggravated because the characters just become annoying. Tracey Gold gives a decent performance here and it's a shame her character wasn't a lead. Edward Furlong from T2 fame is on hand here playing the father (!?!?) of two teenagers. He really doesn't give a "good" performance but it was fun seeing him again. ARACHNOQUAKE is pure dumbness from start to finish but there are a few good moments with most of them being the bubble, explosion and gore that happens when a spider starts to come out of a human body. It's a shame that the director and writer didn't exploit this a little bit more and given fans more bang for their buck. The CGI effects are obviously very cheap but I thought the design of the spiders were nice. Still, this is certainly a film that can be skipped as there are much better killer spider movies out there.
AD
