brando647 We live in a cruel world where DEATH MACHINES never got to live to its franchise potential. I can't be the only one who would love to see the continued karate-kicking adventures of the three unnamed, ethnically diverse zombified ninjas of writer/director Paul Kyriazi's 1976 action jewel. Of the dozens of B-movies (and worse) that I've subjected myself to recently, DEATH MACHINES is one of the best. Madame Lee (Mari Honjo), a minor boss in a vague Asian crime syndicate, has got a new weapon to make a splash on the world of organized crime: her three mind-controlled ninjas (Ronald Marchini, Michael Chong, and Joshua Johnson). When her shadowy boss orders her to eliminate rival hit-men and establish business dealings with mob boss Gioretti (Chuck Katzakian), the ninjas are more than effective. When they're assigned to eliminate a local karate teacher (for reasons unknown thanks to bad audio mixing), the "death machines" attract the attention of law enforcement, particularly hot-shot detective Lieutenant Forrester (Ron Ackerman), and earn the ire of overzealous karate student Frank (John Lowe). Frank is the sole survivor of the machines' vicious attack on the karate school and he's determined to seek vengeance for the murder of his teacher and fellow students and for the loss of his right arm. Will Frank rise to the challenge of Madame Lee's three unstoppable death machines? Will Lt. Forrester succeed in his mission to capture the mystery ninjas? More importantly, will he ever get around to that human resources class so his captain will get off his back?DEATH MACHINES is a perfect blend of semi-competence, incompetence, and martial arts action with just a hint of insanity. The filmmakers set the tone from the very start. The movie opens on the ninjas' final test, where each of them battle another martial artist of the same ethnicity (out of….symmetry? fairness?). Just in case anyone was worried this would just be a bunch of sword-swinging and high kicks, the white ninja eliminates his competition with a pistol he pulls from an ankle holster. So right away, we're shown that rules are for suckers. When assigned to knock off the competition, we're treated to three separate murders in the first fifteen minutes; of those three, zero involve any sort of martial arts action. One involves a freakin' bazooka. Who needs subtlety when you're a seemingly invulnerable death machine? Man, this movie's a blast. Far from perfect, DEATH MACHINES suffers from its share of problems. For starters, the movie's obnoxious synth score and the audio mixing that frequently drowns out dialogue in favor of it. Most of Madame Lee's dialogue in the film is near unintelligible. But, it's just intelligible enough for us to hear that poor Mari Honjo isn't much of an actress. It's fine. I'm not here for the performances. The movie also has the unfortunate problem of being unsure how to tell a proper story, what with the protagonist and the story arc and whatnot. DEATH MACHINES, and the audience, isn't really sure whom we're rooting for to win.Detective Forrester seems an obvious choice, being a police officer and all. And he's a pretty cool guy, standing up to his griping captain and putting his overly smug rival in his place. But Forrester doesn't show up for the first half hour and then disappears again until the end of the film for a little bit of deus ex machina. Then there's Frank, the newly one-armed karate student. But Frank disappears for large chunks of the movie and then proceeds to get his butt handed to him by an ornery old man in a barfight, so he's hard to get behind. At one point about halfway through the film, there's even a brief moment when it appears the white ninja might shift allegiances and become our hero when he stands up to a rowdy band of bikers that terrorize a Ma & Pa diner/fueling station. But nope, once he finds his ninja buddies again he's back to work as usual, making the previous twenty minutes or so where we followed his capture and escape from the police (and said diner brawl) completely pointless. Fortunately for this movie, I'm willing to forgive all these problems because it's all so much fun. It sets itself up perfectly at the end for a sequel but I guess it was never meant to be. DEATH MACHINES, while certainly not a "good movie", ranks high on the spectrum against its peers. Do yourself a favor; I know the movie is available online…find it and watch at least the first 15 minutes. You won't regret it and you just might be tempted to see it through to the end.

kidmoe Everyone on this site is bashing Death Machines, but its cool. I understand. Some of you just haven't taken the time to look under the surface and see just how deep this movie is. I'm talking Moodys deep, man. Really deep.Three racially diverse assassins, unstoppable, even with bullets, unless you shoot the white assassin in the head, then he lets out a girly scream and gets arrested. What does it all mean? That unstoppableness transcends all racial and social boundaries? I don't know. Evil mushmouthed, giant-haired Asian dragon lady, the mastermind behind it all. Are all Asian women with gigantic wigs evil? The blackmailing henchman who carries incriminating photos in a wicker basket? Who is he really? The wimpy by-default hero who takes karate lessons only to have his hand cut off then have disappointing sex with his nurse-turned-girlfriend? Why did the director turn him into a human water fountain? The religious old guy who gives the white assassin a hamburger? Was he a direct descendant of the similar character from "I Accuse My Parents"? Like I said, deep. Think about it.

catfish-er I watched DEATH MACHINES as part of BCI Eclipse' Drive-in Cult Classics (featuring Crown International Pictures releases) on DVD. As I work my way through the multiple DVD sets, I am growing to love many of Crown International's movies -- especially, the creepy, erotic, psychological thrillers! DEATH MACHINES is not one of them.After seeing movies like MALIBU BEACH, THE CREEPING TERROR and THE PINK ANGELS, it is hard to say that this is the worst film ever made; but, it doesn't have much going for it.No plot; really no story to speak of.The acting isn't evident – only the actor responsible for the terribly-played Tony (with the thick, fake Italian accent) made any attempt to "get into character." The score is annoying and pedantic.The only thing about this movie is why... what compelled the film-makers to make this film? Did they think the story of: 1) three ninjas, 2) two competing crime bosses, 3) an ancillary bartender / karate school student character; and 4) his pitiful love-interest nurse was so compelling that the world would not be complete without this movie being made? This is a complete waste of time and money, for you, me, the producers, writers, actors, and the director.

John Seal Bay Area residents probably remember Paul from The Diamond Center, an unctuous late night huckster who flogged easy credit and cheap rocks on late night television throughout the 1980s and early 90s. I mention him only because there is an actor in Death Machines who looks JUST LIKE HIM playing the owner of an Italian restaurant. He appears in the best scene in this positively dreadful and near unwatchable crime drama about a Dragon Lady (Mari Honjo, who wisely hung up her acting spurs after completing this film) who controls the local syndicate. Our hero (let's call him Not Paul From the Diamond Center) plays the restaurateur with all the subtlety of The Simpsons' Luigi ("you lika da spaghetti?") and seems unimpressed when one of his patrons complains about the food. No, there's no fly in the soup or hair in the sauce: there's a Red Buddha in the pasta, the calling card of the murderous crime boss, who sends a statuette to each of her prospective victims. Death Machines is bad by any measure, and pretty boring, which is an even worse crime.