master5000 In Douglas Adams' "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" (the novel) the alien race of the Vongols are said to write the worst poetry in the Universe, so bad as to be exposed to it would cause your own intestines to burst out of your stomach and strangle you to death. I remember fantasizing about how such poetry would sound like. I still don't know, but after watching Dungeon Girl by Ulli Lommel I'm sure I've found the cinematic equivalent to Vongol Poetry. This film really made me want to rip my own spine out.Still, it was a pretty fun experience watching it though: joking about its extreme and infinite worthlessness with my friends made us laugh so hard we all p*ssed ourselves. If it weren't for that we probably would've committed mass suicide.And to hear that this director earlier has made films actually enjoyed by people, or let alone has made films at all before, or even knows what a film is or is supposed to be - is the the only thing as astonishing as the awfulness of- or even the very existence of this movie.There really wasn't one single element or moment in this film which didn't s**k at levels beyond the Mariana Trench.Amazing! A true accomplishment.

Michael_Elliott Dungeon Girl (2008)** (out of 4) My never ending parade of German director Ulli Lommel's "real life" movies continues with this one, which steps away from the horror genre and enters the drama category. This one tells a story that happened in Austria as a young girl was kidnapped and held hostage by a man for nearly six years. The entire running time centers on voiceovers as the girl tells her feelings for her parents, her life before the abduction and for her kidnapper known only as The Stranger. Again, I've seen all of Lommel's "real life" movies that have been released so far and this one here took me by a pleasant surprise. Not that I'd ever sit through the thing again but at least Lommel tried something different and didn't just deliver the same old garbage. I think what really helps this film is Wendi Jean Linn as the girl and Gunther Ziegler as The Stranger. We really don't get to see them "act" since most of the film is structured around voiceovers but this is beneficial since the majority of Lommel's recent films have been even worse due to the bad acting. Here, they at least look the parts well and the narration by Gwen Trevathan is really good. The film is way too slow and too much stuff is repeated for it to be considered a marginally good film. I'm really not sure what Lommel's obsession is with having a character look into the camera, ask questions and then constantly reuse this footage. Also, the running time of 81 minutes is the norm for his recent films but he might want to consider cutting them down to a hour or less. This is how "B" and "Z" movies were back in the day so he might want to revisit that. With that said, this is still a weak film but it's a lot better than anything the director's have given us over the past decade but then again, that's not saying too much.

headtrauma420-1 You know those movies that you can find at Big Lots for ninety-nine cents and they're still a waste of time. Just wait this one's going to turn up there. I watched this crap on movies on demand and I have to say, I want my five bucks back! This is like a really really bad student film. There is far beyond way too much narration, no action, no acting and some of the worst writing I've ever witnessed. There is absolutely nothing positive I can say about this film except at least it's over and I never have to watch it again.I remember hearing about this incident and it was quite shocking. There is so much you could do with that story. Instead all we get is a quasi-perverted man who masturbates with a child's doll(his acting was so disjointed I'm not sure if he was really a pervert or if he just liked dolls better than the girl). If you're going to take on a subject like incest or even just general perversion you have to be willing to go there when it comes to telling the story. If you're not comfortable making a film about perversion then stay away from the subject.I'm all for non-narrative films, but you have to offer the audience something. This is one of those films that's made by someone who thinks they're an artist when really they're just a pathetic wannabe.This is cinematic sacrilege! Burn every copy of this that exists!

Suzan There is honestly not much to say. The movie was simply very bad. Worst movie I have ever seen. Don't be fooled by the DVD or VHS cover because that is the only good thing of this whole package. The movie repeated itself all the time and when it wasn't boring, it was just confusing or making you wanna hit your head on the wall. Obviously the whole point of this movie was to give the viewer some sense of the all the feelings the girl was going through. The movie was trying to be very artistic. It failed miserably and only gave the audience a pure feeling of disappointment, frustration and wanting to throw the TV out from the window. If you love yourself, don't watch it.