drystyx This is a B movie, action, with lots of gun play and violence.It's also got too much in common with FIVE GAES TO HELL to not be somewhat of a remake of it. But instead of captive nurses, these are captive models, whose men folk are killed, and it's "women" vs. mercenaries.Even though it's not a war film, as "Five Gates" was, the evil men here are soldiers for a "war lord".This is very edgy, well directed, and with lots of famous character actors.It's also better than "Five Gates", because it takes a lot more risks, and dares to be different. It isn't as "contrived" for the most part.The sound quality is less than desirable, though. The lady singing at the beginning and end is not delivering "studio" sound. The song is very distorted, for whatever reason. Perhaps one of the worst "sound" mixes in film History. It sounds as though they actually taped her song in the jungle itself.

Comeuppance Reviews A pretty irritating guy named Larry (Gortner) is in charge of corralling a bunch of models and flying them down to an unnamed South or Central American country (the movie itself was shot in Mexico). They inadvertently land in the thick jungles of drug-smuggling country. This particular gang of drug lords is commanded by Santiago (Smith) and his sister Angel (Danning). They have a team of thugs led by Luther (Strode). It's not looking good for the models, and making things even worse is that a mobster named Vito Mastranga (Vernon) and his associate Nick Spilotro (Cord) are collaborating with Santiago and Angel and are in negotiations for future highly illegal doings. With no prior combat training, the models are going to have to take up arms against their captors if they ever want to strut on the catwalk ever again. Will they be able to pull off this daring feat? You'd think - you'd REALLY think - that a movie about a bunch of models who get together and have to shoot a bunch of guns to escape the jungle and get back at the baddies would be a surefire formula for cinematic greatness. Or at least entertainment. Somehow Jungle Warriors manages to fumble this potential home run, to use a spot-on sports analogy. Lamely, the movie is talky, boring, slow, lacks action, and the worst crime of all is that it's not exploitative enough. To compare it to something, Raw Force (1982) is better, and Jungle Warriors kind of falls into that video store shelf-filler netherworld inhabited by the likes of other similarly-themed mediocre flicks like Savage Justice (1988) and Sweet Revenge (1987). Though to be fair and balanced, it is better than Mercenary II (1999).Perhaps you even saw this or the aforementioned titles collecting dust on the shelf of your local video store. Sybil Danning's face couldn't be much bigger on the U.S. VHS box art (as was the case with her "Adventure Video" series), but she is painfully underused in the movie itself. Another quite easy thing the movie could have done to improve itself would have been to include more Danning. Actually, pretty much the entire cast gets the short end of the stick somehow. Woody Strode says nothing, Danning is barely there, Paul L. Smith has no facial hair and does minimal fighting, John Vernon is in a veritable sit-down role, Alex Cord does what he can, and only Marjoe Gortner adds some Woody Allen-like spice to this mush. The models don't seem to have individual personalities.It's a plot we've all seen many times before, and they saved all the supposed action for the climax. Some pew-pew machine gun shooting and maybe an exploding helicopter at the last minute doesn't make up for all the waterfall footage we'd seen for the previous eighty or so minutes. But on the plus side, 80's buffs will be delighted to see a vicious-looking drug goon wearing an E.T. shirt, and a too-brief glimpse of the wardrobe girl on the fashion shoot who has a sideways ponytail and is listening to a Walkman with orange ear covers. She should have gotten her own movie, she was the best character. The whole thing tops off with a theme song featuring the aggressively abrasive, Lene Lovich-like vocals of one Marina Arcangeli. So it all ends on a bad note, literally.Jungle Warriors is unfortunately lackluster, and it should have been called, if we may borrow a phrase from ourselves, Jungle Slog.

Woodyanders A group of gorgeous models doing a photo shoot in South America run afoul of ruthless drug lord Cesar Santiago (hulking Paul Smith in excellent smoothly villainous form). However, the gals manage to acquire some heavy duty firepower and make a fierce stand against their cruel and vile captors. Director Ernst R. von Theumer, who also co-wrote the cheerfully crass script with Robert Collector, relates the entertainingly trashy story at a brisk pace, maintains a blithely lurid tone throughout, stages the last reel outburst of stirring action with real rip-roaring gusto, delivers a handy helping of bloody violence and raw brutality, and further spices things up with a tasty smattering of gratuitous female nudity. The choice cast of veteran exploitation cinema regulars have a ball with the winningly low-grade material: Statuesque blonde goddess Sybil Danning vamps it up deliciously as Santiago's sadistic lesbian sister Angel, John Vernon really sinks his teeth into his meaty role as jolly and easygoing mobster Vito Mastranga, Margoe Gortner frets up an obnoxious storm as whiny and irritating modeling agency producer Larry Schecter, Woody Strode projects considerable charm and authority as Santiago's formidable right-hand man Luther, and Alex Cord does well as Mastranga's antsy and slimy attorney partner Nick Spilotro. Moreover, Dana Eclar is a hoot as excitable fed D'Antoni and the always delightful Louisa Moritz has a regrettably minor part as sweetly ditsy make-up artist Laura McCashin. Nicholas Josef von Sternberg's glossy cinematography gives the picture an impressively slick look. Roland Baumgarter's rousing score hits the right-on rocking spot. The theme song is hilariously awful. A total schlocky blast.

Sorsimus A seemingly ordinary jungle action fare, this one benefits from a couple of notable twists, the main one being the group of heroines consisting of models! Although this probably helps to make this film utterly unbelievable, that is in turn heightened by good villanous casting, giving us no less than four major "bad guys", including the seldom disappointing Woody Strode and never disappointing Sybil Danning.Add to this mixture the total lack of any concern for realism, and you get what I call an entertaining little picture. OK, it's not a masterpiece on any level, but it is good at what it wants to be.Released on video in Finland in the early eighties.