zetes Excellent little rock-and-roll satire. A teenage Diane Lane stars as a young woman who hates her dead-end life. Along with her sister and cousin (Laura Dern), she cons her way onto a tour bus as the nonexistent band The Stains. The gals can't play a lick, but get themselves on the local news, and they ignite like a meteorite - and come crashing to Earth just as fast. It's a biting little picture, and Lane shines brightly in the lead. Ray Winstone co-stars as the lead singer of a British punk band with whom the Stains tour. The movie was barely released when it was made, but it became a cult favorite later on through frequent airings on the USA cable network.

tpaladino This isn't the worst movie ever made, but it certainly isn't worth all the praise I've read about it either. It's a good enough cult film I suppose, but even as such it's unremarkable in pretty much all aspects other than as a time capsule of early-80's teen/punk rock culture. Also, you get to see Diane Lane's underage boobs, which is also a plus. Not quite sure how they managed to pull that one off. Anyway... the story had a lot of potential to be compelling and provocative, and the premise was certainly ahead of it's time, but overall it still managed to fall flat. At no point do you truly feel involved, and there are a lot of points that just don't make much sense at all. Still, as a look into that particular era, it's worthwhile viewing. Also, teen boobs.

rooprect In the documentary "The Making of Ladies and Gentlemen the Fabulous Stains" (which you can find on YouTube), the narrator mentions that 83 million Americans have seen Star Wars: The Phantom Menace; then he adds he's not sure if a total of 83 people have seen The Fabulous Stains.This is the quintessential cult classic. Like the original Jerky Boys tape (remember that?) it has been copied & re-copied and passed around from one VHS to another for the last 20 years. In interviews, even the stars of the film say they haven't seen the finished product. So if nothing else, you should feel special for having the opportunity to watch it.I'm part of the nu-crowd, having found this movie at a Blockbuster going out of business sale last week and buying the recently-released DVD for $3. I can see instantly how it became a cult classic. First, it features a cast of respected musicians (Sex Pistols, The Tubes, The Clash) as well as a very young Laura Dern (Jurassic Park, Wild at Heart) and a lead actress whom I'm shocked I haven't seen in any other films because she's fabulous: Diane Lane.Next we have a story about the underground music scene and a girl band's rise to stardom which predicted the whole Madonna craze 2 years before Madonna's debut album (as well as the Go-Gos and even Joan Jett). I think that's what makes this a great film--how prophetically accurate it was. The "old rockers" of the 70s (with outrageous makeup on their faces) were clearing the way for badass chicks with attitude (and outrageous makeup on their eyes). As Diane eulogizes in the film "He was an old man in a young girl's world." That theme is something you have to keep in mind while watching this. At the time, aside from maybe Janis Joplin, rock music didn't have a great history of bad girls, but audiences were demanding it. So not only does this film highlight the evolution of music, but it also foretells a new age of feminism in the industry.For me, what made the film really enjoyable was its realism. Touring with a rock band isn't all Ritz-Carlton and Leer jets, unless you're the Rolling Stones. No, touring with a rock band is dirty, smelly, cramped on a malfunctioning tour bus with shady promoters, managers and rival bands with a lot of catty attitudes. I can't think of any other film that tells it like it is.The biggest flaw of this film is the ending. I won't ruin it, but I'll just say it was NOT the ending intended by the original writer Nancy Dowd (as the rumors go, Nancy was so angry at the reworked ending that she took her name off the credits). Indeed, the ending seems a bit incongruous. But at the same time it makes sense on certain levels, so maybe it turned out for the best.Another problem is the way the film shows 15-year-old girls in a very sexual way. Sure, that's realism (as Fee Waybill says in the documentary, 'There was more sex & drugs going on behind the scenes than there was in the movie'), but it might--and should--make you feel a little uncomfortable watching a 15-year-old girl have sex. But hey, I guess that's one of the reasons why this was never the ABC movie of the week, and instead it was quickly buried for 20 years.So yeah, if you have a chance I think you should watch it. If nothing else, it's a great nostalgic trip back to the music scene of the 80s. But it's also very poignant in today's world. Diane's "meh" attitude toward life is exactly what confronts a lot of teens today in this increasingly cynical world.I'm happy that this film managed to get released on DVD, otherwise I never would've seen it. I just hope it doesn't get too popular, because that would kill some of its charm. I like the idea that there are only 82 other people who have seen it.

MisterWhiplash Ah, punk rock, how it came, saw, went, came back again, and maybe another time, and is now in so many varieties that one could just spend an entire semester in college studying all of the bands that have come from the early to mid 70s and beyond. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains, is a satirical document of the punk rock scene, but it works better as just flat-out punk and/or new-wave rock than as satire. The writer tries for a Network approach: the media latches on to The Fabulous Stains, a trio girl group started by Corrine Burns (aka Third-Degree Burns) with her sister and cousin, who aren't very talented but have Corrine as their wont-take-no-s*** lead singer with crazy hair and a "I don't put out" slogan while wearing skimpy clothes.Because apparently every single punk girl watches the nightly news and believes every single word they say, suddenly the Stains have a HUGE fan-base of lemming-like girls who latch onto every word of their song "Waste my time" and, soon after, their rip-off cover of the Looters' "The Professionals", the real Brit punk rock group touring as the lead group following (original headliner) aging rock group's bitter demise. The script takes the point of view that it's probably as much the audience's fault, if not more-so, than the exploitation by the media, which was not uncommon to happen to certain bands (it even happened to the Sex Pistols to a degree, though the bulk of hype came about after they broke up). This part is clever but also not clever by half; we've seen this quick rise-and-fall story before and there's not a whole lot that's fresh that's brought to the table creatively, except for the cynical aspect that if you look pretty and bad and don't give a bleep you'll make it with a rip-off single that most of the audience doesn't understand anyway.And yet for whatever flaws the film might have director Lou Adler aptly displays, amusingly and with a deft skill at capturing young-and-old rocker angst, life in the ever changing rock scene and specifically punk rock. While it's a given a band will be kick-ass if two members of the Pistols and Paul Simonen of the Clash are in it, as they are in the Looters with a young Ray Winstone as ornery front-man (one of his most compelling performances as a "tough" guy), it will have some punk rock cred. But very young Diane Lane and even younger Laura Dern bring some credibility of their own, and open up another sight for aficionados of the attitude and mood of punk rock, much like the attitude and mood of film-noir more than a real genre, is punk rock for girls. Inspiration for the likes of the Go-Go's can be seen here as "birds" as Winstone says can rock as hard, or just with enough spirit, while also not being too full of crap.That's the interesting thing too in Fabulous Stains, what makes it more interesting as a punk rock flick than a satire: when it's at its best, like Suburbia did as well, we get a personal and sad look at wayward youth with nothing else but music, be that they can't read like Winstone's Billy or just have a parent that's dead like Corrine's father ("Died in war, beep, got lot of money, beep"). It's a fine little nugget of music/movie lore.