SnakesOnAnAfricanPlain I don't keep my ear close to the hippity hop rap circuit. But wasn't DMX once respected and respectable? Hard to imagine when appearing in crap like this. Obviously I enjoyed it, it had a poor CGI monster, some terrible acting and some of the worst lines I've ever heard. However, even bad has been done better. Unlike Komodo, Carnosaur 3 or Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, I wont even bother rewatching this one. At least, not for a while. If you love your monster movies, and have gone through the regular SyFy channel schlock, you may consider giving this a view."I'm sorry about your wife but that was an accident. You drew us to death, that sucks."

chadkimrey well nobody will ever read this review, but WOW worst movie ever! This film might be studied by archaeologists in the far distant future. It would serve humanity right for it even being possible to finance this "film." The most vapid bunch of frat boys and their bowhead cohorts I have ever seen disgrace celluloid. You can feel the stupidity bubbling from the swamp it is set in up through the "actors" and right on up to (hopefully) the ruined careers of the director and producer. The subplot involves a man whose wife is killed in a hit and run accident by the idiot cast. He finds them to exact revenge, but 10 minutes later one of the sorority girls is yelling at him because he is bumming her out by not being overly concerned about his wife's killers being bumped off one by one. Everyone involved in this travesty really needs a giant snake to eat them to make sure they can never again waste the money that a film student with any talent at all could have used better

Woodyanders Alan Cade (decently played by Louis Herthum) conjures up a giant lethal snake to bump off the five teenagers who accidentally killed his wife Becky (a regrettably brief turn by the appealing Lisa Arnold) with their jeep. It's up to special ops vet Nick Kirabo (an extremely flat and wooden performance by rap singer DMX) to stop the gigantic reptilian beast before it's too late. Poorly directed by Amir Valinia, with slack pacing, highly variable acting, tin-eared dialogue (sample line: "You guys are total porklines"), laughably lousy CGI effects (the snake resembles a huge brown lump of excrement), a grindingly predictable plot (it's very easy to figure out who's going to live or die), and a limp and unexciting climax, this sour lemon of a dud crucially lacks the necessary trashy vigor to rate as a fun bad movie. Worse yet, the majority of the teens are grossly intolerable and obnoxious tools: Caleb Michaelson as the jerky Kurt, David Pullman as the equally repellent Clayton, Victoria Vodar as slutty blonde bimbo Ashley, and Derrick Denicola as annoying skateboarder Winston are all so utterly hateful that you just don't care what happens to them, thus negating any suspense this picture might have had. Since most of said characters drink booze and make out, they're obviously dead meat from the get go. Only Wes Brown as nice guy nerd Kelly and Lauren Fain as the sweet Sam offer some light relief. You know a film is exceptionally lame when the hot chick keeps her top on during the obligatory gratuitous simulated sex scene. A complete wash-out.

wshumake Lockjaw: Rise of the Kulev Serpent is also marketed under the title of Carnivorous. While there is no denying that this is a low-budget movie, low budget doesn't mean that the movie is not fun. It does have all of the traits of a Sci-fi channel movie, such as the monster appearing early on in the movie (a sci-fi channel requirement as I understand it). Still, I enjoyed it. While the writing and plot had some holes, none were any worse than what I witnessed when I watched the big-budget Angels & Demons. The acting, while not brilliant, was adequate. Nothing about it caused me to be removed from the story. The plot and writing were probably the weakest points. Still I would argue that the writing was no more predictable or formula based that what is seen every week on such hit TV shows as 24, House, or Prison Break. I think it is nice to be able to watch a fun light horror/sci-fi story without having to be heavily invested in the characters. A big budget movie would have played up the loss of the husbands wife and dwelt on his heart-ache and pain after her death. It was nice to not have to have such an emotional entanglement, and simply be able to set back and enjoy what was clearly meant to be a light fun movie. It reminds me of the type thing we used to watch at drive-in theatres. Never too much drama, just lots of light-hearted fun. I would recommend this to anyone who just wants to watch a fun movie.