Theo Robertson I did enjoy Aronofsky's NOAH and did go on youtube to relive the cinematic experience by checking a few online clips . By chance I came upon a section that proclaimed " Noah 2014 Hollywood Movie " Hmmm some naughty sinner has uploaded the full movie to YT . They'd better watch they don't cause a great plague to befall humanity . Intrigued I went on to the site and rest assured this wasn't Aronofsky's flawed masterpiece but a 1999 miniseries called NOAH'S ARK . As an amateur critic it's always nice to use the concept of structuralist film theory to contrast and compare films . . Within moments however it's clear that compared to this miniseries NOAH is not only an undisputed masterpiece but the greatest film in the history of cinema everDirector John Irvin started his career by being a war correspondent and did make the brutal and bloody HAMBURGER HILL . This is puzzling because as someone who has seen conflict at the realistic sharp end there's a strange painful bizarre tone in the opening sequence where a pitched battle between two tribes takes place . For a miniseries which I take it is produced for television the battle is exceptionally gory with pools of blood and decapitated heads being waved about on poles . The graphic violence is a sharp dichotomy with the rest of the feel with the scene that borders on high camp . The extras are obviously enjoying themselves as they yell , pull weird faces and try and fail not to burst in to laughter . I'm reminded of that MONTY PYTHON sketch of the military fairys soldiers on parade " Company - camp it up ! " . You can just imagine Irvin shooting the scene shouting through a loud hailer " Try and remember what it was like working for a living and today you're playing bloodthirsty maniacs so go out and enjoy yourselves " and enjoy themselves they do . After surviving the battle two walk on actors then have a competition to see who can give the most over the top hammy performance in the history of acting . One of them might have said " Hey big nose you've got a big nose " but I was too busy laughing to notice And so the miniseries continues in the same way . Everyone in whatever role they're playing tries to out do another with worst performance all time . They shout , they screech , they bawl and even when they're not saying anything they still use body language to put off their colleagues . I lost count of the number of times Jon Voight cocked his eyes every time the camera cut to him . If it's not enough that the cast are over emoting then the constant incidental music tries the same technique . It's loud and intrusive and feels the need to dictate if a scene is trying to be amusing , serious , menacing etc . I've no idea the religious views of John Irvin but one might jump to the conclusion that he's mocking Christianity with a deliberately bad miniseries , a sort of unofficial prequel to THE LIFE OF BRIAN but that would be crediting it with a level of sophistication and nothing on screen indicates any sort of sophistication . There' also scenes of violence which definitely belong in another film entirely and if people are complaining that NOAH is a very bad movie they should take time out and view this travesty Still if you're looking for the true life story of Noah then this might just be the film you're looking for because everything you read in the Bible is undisputed historical fact isn't it ?

yorick-23 I "won" this double DVD on X-Mas lottery, so I shouldn't complain. I thought. So why not bridge the hours 'til the Golden Globes at 2AM CET with some trashy 3-hour Halmi-Vision. Robert Halmi's Hallmark is always good for lots of cheap laughs, gasping, drinking games, and senseless NO sex, but violence. After watching the first half hour stunned, how actors with reputation like Jon Voight and Mary Steenburgen can appear in this piece of crap, I began to realize: they're having a party! The second part, being even more ridiculous, proved Hallmark provides a playground for big names who don't care about their reputation. I'll drink to that -- it helps watching the picture.

parawright Chromium 5 review says it all. What was the writer thinking, I suspect he was on something illegal ! Modern songs and phrase's in a period set thousands of years ago. Not to speak of the Director and Producer.Studio heads must have been on vacation for this to slip passed them. The actors must be at the stage in their career's when the pay cheque means more than their good name and reputation. utter garbage, this certainly was a figment of somebody's imagination. When I think of Voight's abilities such as the Odessa File, Midnight Cowboy, Mission Impossible etc. I shake my head. the movie should carry a Comedy sticker at the very least. Remember to avoid this movie at all costs.

tattoo-12 This is pure CRAP, and probably the worst Biblical theme film ever... Absolutely inaccurate, I mean, they've put Sodom and Gomora BEFORE the great flood. They've described Lot as a friend of Noah although he lived after Noah. To make things worse, later Lot became a pirate and attacks Noah's Ark during the flood!!!??? And what's with the merchant who comes along on a boat which is moved over the water with a bicycle mechanism??? And exchanges alcohol for a food and water, and then Noah is portrayed as alcoholic!? Mockery, and continuous blasphemies one after another, and it goes on and on, and on... Film maker and all participants surely secured themselves the front row in hell with this garbage...Please stay off this crap, because you will save yourself nearly three hours of your life.