Anders Twetman
This is actually not that bad. Don't get me wrong here, it is by no means a good movie but compare to some some of it's neighbors on the bottom #100 list, Santa with Muscles is pretty watchable. It has a consistent narrative, all be it an inane one. There are well defined characters, flat as cardboard they may be, but at least they act consistently throughout the film. And best of all, the humor comes naturally, the jokes don't feel as forced as they do in Epic Movie or other bad comedies. I have some nitpicks though. First, the bad guy is having people tortured in his back yard, how is he not in prison already? The henchmen destroy property, threaten people an nearly kill a guy, why does no one call the police? When trying to catch the hero for speeding, the police try to shoot him with a rocket launcher, why is internal affairs not there arresting these murderous coppers? Not to mention, why does the police even have a rocket launcher? Questions like this keep popping up but that just makes the film more entertainingNow, this a children's movie and as such less effort has gone into the details of making it, thus the plot is too simplistic, the characters, especially the bad guys are just ridiculous and the acting leaves a lot to ask. Given that there are good, well made children's films out there, having a younger audience is no excuse for making a bad film. Good enough for children maybe, but not good.
Seth Nelson
"He" referring to Hulk Hogan, which I consider the America's Tor Johnson. Tor starred in many bad movies; so does Hulk. Both are very funny in each of their performances! In my opinion, "Santa with Muscles" is where all the fun and the laughs are! Hearing that "Eegah"-like "Watch out, he's got a candy cane!" makes me laugh until I cry! And I laugh so much, I cry until I can do neither of those things anymore! That's the secret recipe for a great family holiday film: Laughs + Good Clean Family Fun (none of that "Bad Santa" stuff, please!) = The Best Holiday Family Film In The History Of The Universe! Let "Santa with Muscles" be the centerpiece of your entertainment next Christmas!
SwordofFire
The problem with Hulk Hogan as an actor is that, while he's not Brando, he has his moments where he's okay. That said, all he seems to lend his name to is rubbish children's movies. The only serious thing he seems to have done is Rocky III (you be the judge of how serious that is). This is the ultimate example of that children's movie crap. Hogan is a wealthy man who loses his memory and somehow thinks he is Santa. He is taken in by an orphanage, who are trying to stop some villain doing something. Seriously, that's how forgettable this film is. The acting is poor. Hulk manages to lay some cool smackdown, but then again, so does Jean Claude. The children are all that breed of little goof ball's trying to be cute. Ed Begley Jr is just unnecessary. Many people have a real hatred towards Christmas movies. Of course, they can't all be Bad Santa, the Santa Clause, The Nightmare Before Christmas or the all time great, It's A Wonderful Life. But this is just lazy. Considering Hogan's potential for cool, violent films, this just wastes the most awesome wrestler ever. Just like everything else. I can't give it a one, but it's certainly not worth a passing grade. It's just dosh.
duaneambroz
Is to use any and all copies of this film as Yule Logs, though it would likely leave a lingering stench for weeks to come. Everyone has summed up this film pretty accurately; it makes the Christmas turkey that Scrooge bought for Bob Crachit look like a spring chicken. The film stars that great thespian Hulk Hogan. He has made some pretty awful films, but even he should have used an alias for this one. Not to be missed is his costume, which is pure Village People Santa (it's a shame they didn't record a song about the holiday joy of sitting on Santa with Muscle's lap). Granted, I am not a geologist, but any crystals that have the ability to explode if barely jostled can be used for sword fights later on in the film, well, your script editors have some continuity issues. Remember the old saying, that if you put 1000 monkeys into a room with 1000 typewriters, that one of them will eventually write Shakespeare? They might not get to Shakespeare, but this film is evidence that they will churn out a steaming pile of reindeer crap. If you truly want to spread Christmas cheer, get yourself a caroling book and a few friends and hit the streets. The only thing this film is good for is as a substitute for coal in a Christmas stocking.
AD
