rdoyle29 When a saboteur blackmails the US space program, a squad of female secret agents are mobilized to take him on. I absolutely adore the first half of this film, which pains me to say I really kind of hate the second half. This is not really a "good" film in any conventional sense, but the setup of the plot and assembly of the team entertained the living hell out of me. Then it really descended into one long, badly executed action sequence and my interest in the proceedings plummeted. It's saved quite a bit by the presence of Michael Ansara and Tura Satana, but not enough. Definitely watch the first half if you are fond of Z-grade schlock.

MartinHafer Years ago, French film critics/authors (such as Truffaut and Godard) came up with what's called the 'Auteur Theory'. This states that the director's voice or personality comes out through his work. And, they felt that great 'auteurs', such as Howard Hawks, Jean Renoir and Alfred Hitchcock were to admired, studied and celebrated. However, this auteur theory only emphasized GREAT filmmakers. I have my own auteur theory---the 'anti-auteur theory'--and it emphasizes the absolute worst directors--folks who also, incidentally, usually wrote, produced and edited their films. Why? Because the films were so low-budgeted and crappy, no one else would dare do these jobs and they're mostly, unintentionally funny!! Of course, there are the well-known auteurs in my theory--such as Ed Wood Jr.. But there are also many other filmmakers waiting to be discovered by the lovers of horrible films--with a ton of inept and totally stupid films that reflect the personal vision of the likes of Larry Buchanan, William Grefe, Al Adamson and Ted V. Mikels. All these guys managed to carve out a niche for themselves as the absolute worst in their field. And, unlike the rest, Mikels is STILL working and has managed a difficult achievement--the more films he makes, the worst the results!! In light of my love of the anti-auteur theory, it's not surprising that I'd watch "The Doll Squad". Unfortunately, while it's a god-awful film, it's not as bad as some of his more recent efforts like "Apartheid Slave-Women's Justice" and "Cauldron: Baptism of Blood"--though it's hard to imagine ANY films being as bad as these two! Like any Mikels film, "The Doll Squad" features terrible acting, terrible writing, terrible direction and a laughable plot. But, unlike most of his films, it actually has a couple real actors in the film. Somehow Michael Ansara and John Carter got hooked into this one--and I assume it MUST have been the result of some blackmail scheme! The film begins with the launch of a Saturn V rocket. While it's approaching the outer atmosphere, the Senator receives a call from an unknown voice telling him that he's about to demonstrate his power--and only seconds later the rocket explodes! What does the Senator do? Yup, he calls for the Doll Squad--a group of women with big hair and attitude! In many ways, it's like a grade-z version of "Charlie's Angels" but with even less impressive martial arts skills! And, surprisingly, the film is a bit slow and dull--even with such a wonderfully cheesy premise. Plus, its soundtrack will make you want to rip off your ears--it's so crappy and repetitive! However, because one or two scenes are actually somewhat watchable (such as the exploding guards), it manages to score a 2--an excellent achievement for a Mikels film.By the way, Mikels has directed, written and/or produced some other horrible worst films in history such as "The Astro Zombies", "Girl in Gold Boots" (currently in IMDb's Bottom 100 List), "Blood Orgy of the She-Devils", "The Corpse Grinders", "Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things" and "The Worm Eaters". Many are available from Netflix and you have to see a couple just to understand how bad these films can be! Although, I must admit, the titles of the films are awfully clever and a clear indicator of the sorts of films you can expect!

Tad Pole That's what DOLL SQUAD writer\producer\director\actor (guard) Ted V. Mikels must have asked his cronies before foisting this sorry mess upon an unsuspecting world. Ted's intimates were too kind (or too dumb, depending on how you look at it) to answer "Because your mom's friends could more convincingly spoof THE NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, Ted." Or, "Because it seems your script writers wrote every third sentence--independently of each other, making this story impossible to follow, Ted." Or, "Because some of your musical riffs rip off the actual Bond music so directly, you're bound to get sued, Ted." Or, "Because your 'special effects' are cheesier than a fondue pot, Ted." Or, "Because even the men in your cast can't act or fight a lick, Ted." Or, "If you let anyone besides blood relatives see this mess, they'll think a 16-year-old thought up the whole thing, Ted." Or, "If you film 10 gangs of kids playing 'Spies' in their back yards, 8 or 9 of these films will be better than DOLL SQUAD, Ted." Side note: Mercifully, the print TV channel TCM shows from time to time of DOLL SQUAD has a continuity break in the first half. Apparently it is derived from a print or videotape that had a 10-minute long tangle "lost" in the splicing repair process, yielding a revised running time of 91 minutes, 23.25 seconds (this site says the original length of DOLL SQUAD is 101 minutes). This flick is SO BAD it is not surprising in the least that no one at TCM realized that there was a 10-minute segment in the middle missing!

funkyfry Director Mikels claims this was the inspiration for "Charlie's Angels." Maybe so or maybe not, but this film turns out to be a fairly standard 3 girl/4 girl formula exploitation acioner. Some funny scenes, like the exploding enemy agents. Satana is wasted in a supporting role. This one probably satisfied the drive in crowd in 1973, but it doesn't have too much to recommend it now, even to fans (like me) of this stuff, because it's a bit too clunky.