Alan Baker This 1964 effort from Jack Cardiff could (with some recasting) have been Monty Python and the Big Bell or Carry on Viking. Glum faced actors mouth woeful dialogue while the action scenes are so stagey and stilted they might as well have left the clapper board at the beginning of each one. All this is accompanied by the most discordant, ghastly "music" score by the justifiably obscure Dusan Radic. The golden bell manages to roll down a cliffside without a scratch or the slightest deformation while clanging all the way (gold is too soft to behave like this). All in all this falls into the category of "has to be seen to be believed".

Leofwine_draca THE LONG SHIPS may not be the most historically accurate of films - but it sure is a whole lot of fun. The film sees Richard Widmark playing a Viking in search of a legendary golden bell, while Sidney Poitier stars against him as a Moorish prince equally intent on getting said bell for himself.What follows is an often rousing and entertaining adventure filled with all manner of seafaring, scrapes and beautiful women. Jack Cardiff's direction is assured, the music is splendid, and if it ends up as a load of old conkers at the end, then - so what? I found this was one of those film that gets better as it progresses. The opening scenes are a little slow and the characters difficult to get to like, but around the halfway mark things really pick up. Poitier puts his all into the rare bad guy role and Widmark enjoys hamming it with tongue firmly planted in cheek.Things reach a high with an implausible but visually spectacular torture device nicknamed the 'Mare of Steel' which wouldn't be out of place in CALIGULA. They eventually culminate in some splendid pitched battles, the outcome of which will surprise nobody but which scream entertainment value nonetheless.THE LONG SHIPS may not be a classic - but it certainly entertained this viewer.

zardoz-13 The 1964 British-Yugoslavian epic "The Long Ships" with Richard Widmark and Sidney Poitier, concerns a rivalry between marauding Viking seafarers and Moorish swordsmen. The hero and villain are searching for a fabled gigantic golden bell of legend reputed to be as tall as three men and made with 'half the gold in the world.' This entertaining, formulaic, far-fetched nonsense has Widmark hamming it up as a rogue Viking while Poitier plays his Moorish prince with a straight face as well as straightened hair. Since cinematographer-turned- helmer Jack Cardiff had lensed director Richard Fleischer's "The Vikings" (1958), Cardiff knew something about colorful Norsemen. He stages several battles and does an effective job of deploying men and horses in those physical encounters. "Sink the Bismarck" lenser Christopher Challis does a wonderful job capturing the spectacular vigor of this larger-than-life adventure with its breathtaking scenery. Nevertheless, if you're expecting a traditional Viking movie with brawny muscle-bound brutes wielding massive broadswords and wearing imposing helmets decorated with horns as in Fleischer's "The Viking," prepare to be disappointed. Losing his ship in a violent storm during the opening credits, ne'er-do-well Viking navigator Rolfe (Richard Widmark of "The Alamo") finds himself washed ashore as the lone survivor in an alien land. Actually, the stormy sailing sequences consist of footage from later in the film that Cardiff shifted to the title credits. I've seen this movie many times and the black funeral sail gives the ship away. Nevertheless, Rolfe wanders foreign lands trying to acquire money to return home to his native Scandinavia. Long-time James Bond title sequence master Maurice Binder created the silhouette sequence where the Monks take in the shipwrecked Rolfe and he hears initially about the mythical bell. Irving Allen produced this lusty saga over an evidently considerable budget. At one time, Allen served as Albert R. Broccoli's producing partner. Allen and Broccoli split when Broccoli decided to produce Ian Fleming's 007 novels. The misguided Allen foresaw little future in James Bond. Rolfe is spinning his yarn about the 'Mother of Voices,' the giant gilded bell of legend, in the marketplace when Mansuh's warriors arrest him and take him to Mansuh. The Moorish prince has Rolfe incarcerated in a high room in his palace. Mansuh threatens to torture Rolfe if he refuses to divulge the whereabouts of the golden bell. Rolfe manages to escape by diving out an open window into the sea. He returns to his father's village during a celebration as Krok (Oskar Homolka of "Funeral in Berlin") is about to sell King Harold (Clifford Evans of "S.O.S. Pacific") a funeral ship. King Harold cheats Krok out of his ship and gives the elder ship builder two gold coins. Rolfe shows up and tells Krok that he knows where the giant bell is. Neither Krok nor Rolfe's younger brother, Orm (Russ Tamblyn of "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers") believe him. In any case, Krok tells Rolfe that he has no ship. Rolfe decides to steal King Harold's ship because Harold has clearly cheated Krok. Rolfe kidnaps Harold's daughter to ensure that Harold doesn't hang Krok. They take King Harold's skipper Sven (Edward Judd of "First Men in the Moon") hostage along with the king's daughter and set sail. Predictably, Harold pursues them in his many ships. A storm beaches Rolfe's ship and crew and they find themselves fighting for their lives against Mansuh's warriors. Hopelessly outnumbered after repeated attacks, Rolfe orders his men to surrender to the Moors and they are imprisoned. When they refuse to divulge the whereabouts of the legendary bell, Mansuh threatens to ride Rolfe down the wicked Mare of Steel, a humongous scimitar with a horse's head and a sharp, cutting edge. Mansuh demonstrates not only the brutality of the Mare of Steel but also the blind obedience of his men when his wife, Ylva, chooses one to demonstrate the lethal nature of his huge torture device. Eventually, our heroes find the bell, but they are misled about its status in an interesting misdirect of ironic proportions. Mansuh has taken Rolfe and his men as his prisoners and forces them to repair their ship since they explain that his own galleys would never weather the maelstrom of the waters surrounding the place where they heard the bell reverberate with its deafening cacophony. It seems doubtful in our equal opportunity age that "The Long Ships" could be remade without altering the drama of the story. For example, Islam is depicted as villainous and Mansuh, his army, and even his wife must perish at the hands of the Vikings. There are many problems with the nature of the bell that the filmmakers gloss over, but none of these really interferes with the outlandish nature of the plot. Of course, the bell would never have survived the plunge that this one takes when he falls off a mountain into the sea without some signs of wear and tear.Anybody familiar with the work of British actor Lionel Jeffries may have a tough time finding him. He is virtually unrecognizable as Mansuh's palace eunuch Aziz. Dusan Radic's majestic orchestral musical score ranks as truly memorable. "The Long Ships" features lots of fights as well as the ultimate torture device called 'the Mare of Steel.' The Mare is a gigantic curved sword, razor-sharp with a horse's head. The victim is sent sliding down it and gets sliced into two pieces. Atmospheric and suspenseful at times. Widmark's Viking complains that everybody believes his lies but nobody believes the truth when he tells it. "Jason and the Argonauts" scenarist Beverly Cross and "Dr. No" scribe Berkely Mather penned "The Long Ships" screenplay from Frans G. Bengtsson's novel. Despite some slow spots, "The Long Ships" is a lot of fun.

Neil Welch I'm of an age where I was brought up on films which suffer by comparison to today's, so the fact that the effects were not really comparable (for instance) is not a factor in my comments.But this just wasn't very good. The story was weak, the acting was not so much bad as not really appropriate to the characters, the script was drivel, Poitier was truly dreadful, and the musical score simply didn't fit what was on screen. And never mind the miraculous bell.The best thing about it is the host of prominent British actors who you can't recognise through their beards, but you can have fun trying if you know beforehand that they're in it.On the whole, though, too poor to even be classed as fun, I'm afraid.