onona This film is, far and wide and beyond any shadow of a doubt, the single worst and most contemptible film in the history of the universe.It really *is* that bad.Personally I have always enjoyed the guilty pleasure of a terrible film, and rented this one thinking it would be one of those. To my immense disappointment, it was not.The script is delivered in a way that sounds as if they're reading the lines directly off placards, the story makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, and the actual film looks like it was shot on a home video camera. I couldn't even finish watching it. It is even worse than "Witch Academy", and that's quite a feat in itself.I cannot even begin to fathom how a director could shoot this film, and then still have the sense to believe it was decent enough to release.Painful, awful, horrendous.

Hail_to_the_chimp It was (foolishly) with some degree of relish that I sat down to watch what a friend had promised would be the worst/best movie experience of my life, the mighty 'Roller blade 7'. 2 years on and I'm still in therapy. Oh yes my dear friends it REALLY IS THAT BAD. They obviously got about 40 minutes of footage in the can and then decided to use said footage endlessly and repeatedly to brain-numbing effect. My only fear of the kind of post-apocalyptic world featured in this turkey is that somehow, some way, a print of this abomination would survive. Truly the living would envy the dead.

Infofreak About 15 minutes into 'The Roller Blade Seven' I nearly gave up, but decided (masochist that I am!) to go all the way, baby! Because this is one movie you just gotta see ONCE, if only as a yardstick of sheer crapness.This is without doubt one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life. Now maybe you're thinking "goodie! I'm in for some 1990s version of 'Plan Nine From Outer Space', or 'The Incredibly Strange Creatures...' hilarious laugh-a-minute good times". NO!! When I say BAD I mean beyond entertainment. This movie is so awful in every way imaginable, and absolutely torturous to sit through, that you won't be able to think of ANY reason to continue watching it until the end.The only movies off the top of my head that even come close to it are the unspeakably bad British vampire movie 'Razor Blade Smile', and the Godawful noir parody(??) 'Art Deco Detective'. At least the former had some unintentional laughs, and the latter featured a handful of funny lines from b-grade legend Brion James. 'The Roller Blade Seven' has no redeeming features whatsoever. What all three movies also share is that they were shot straight on video, making them all aesthetically unpleasant experiences. As well as cheaper than a pub crawl.The guy responsible for this gem is Donald G. Jackson who is also the brains behind the moderately amusing 'Frogtown' movies, which I have seen, and works such as 'Mimes: Silent But Deadly' and 'Lingerie Kickboxer', which I haven't. He produces/directs and also co-writes with the movie's star Scott Shaw. Yeah I don't know him either but apparently he's some kinda martial arts expert and has appeared in movies with titles like 'Samurai Vampire Bikers From Hell' and 'Samurai Johnny Frankenstein', so you know he's class all the way. The Supporting cast includes Frank Stallone (Sly's brother) and Joe Estevez (Martin Sheen's brother and star of 'Motorcycle Cheerleading Mommas') (read that title again!!) , and somehow, cos I can't believe it myself, bona fide cult legends William Smith, Don Stroud and Karen Black. If you are a fan of any of those three all I can say is best stay away...The "plot" concerns a Hawk (Shaw), a futuristic Ninja dude, who has to rescue his sister from evil baddies led by the crippled Pharoah (Smith), who is some kinda cult leader who invented a popular skateboard or something. Hawk meets up with all kinda weirdos, both good and bad, most of whom dress funny and use roller blades, and one of which continually plays the banjo. I say good and bad, because I honestly couldn't tell most of the time who was who, or what side they were on. Especially that banjo fella. And I suppose there was seven of them, but I wasn't counting, and who really cares? One of the roller bladers was Don Stroud but I never worked out which one, and eventually forgot he was even supposed to be in it. By the credits I didn't even care any more, and that says a lot because I LOVE Don Stroud and he was the main reason I watched this crap in the first place!The plot, or lack of it, is only the half of it. Jackson directs like he has both eyes shut, and the editing was done (I believe) by someone with one hand tied behind their back, who insists on showing us every "action" sequence three or four times consecutively, for no apparent reason. There's about twenty minutes of (bad) dialogue spread throughout the ninety minutes of the movie, and the soundtrack, which includes everything from "moody" electronics to "smokin'" rawk to the banjo fellas limited repertoire of licks, is probably even worse.The only thing that will amaze you after sitting through this offal is the fact that there was not only a sequel, but TWO!! Whether they are better than this or could even conceivably be WORSE I'll leave up to you because frankly, I value my sanity, and one 'Roller Blade Seven' flick is my absolute limit!

imdbmykl I knew that I was not about to see a quality film when this title was included in a 'B-grade video night' at a friends place. Despite the warnings, I was still surprised at just how bad this film was. It was fortunate that there were a lot of us there to share the pain with each other... The film attempts to tell the story of a dark future, one in which Hawk (a Mad Max type of character) heads off to rescue a damsel in distress. In reality, the plot is a thinly disguised excuse for the producers to promote their own philosophies on life (watch the end credits and the 'these people are not real' disclaimer at the end for a real laugh). The movie is frequently lacking direction, and fails to develop its characters to any degree whatsoever. What's even worse though is the editing of this film. The film repeats scenes (often 10 to 20 seconds long) up to 4 or 5 times in a row. I think that this was an attempt to emulate things like Jean Claude Van-Damme fight sequences, but if it is it fails utterly. The film would probably be about 1/3 of its length if we weren't forced to watch the main character move his head in front of the setting sun half a dozen times (yes, that's all that happens in that repeated scene). I give this movie my 'worst film I've ever seen' award. I doubt that it will be topped any time soon.