gavin6942 Dr. Elson Po (James Hong) is one of the world's most famous wine growers. He has a magic potion which has kept him handsome and alive during the centuries. However, lately the magic which rejuvenates him seem to be less and less effective.This film was written by, directed by and starring James Hong. So if you are a Hong fan, this is the picture for you -- he brings an angle to horror that I certainly have not seen elsewhere. I am not sure if you can call him Chinese-American, since he was born in the United States, but he has made an American film with Chinese roots -- possibly a unique feat in American horror.Some of this was pure 1980s. Hong's dance in the mask at his 1980s party was pretty weird, and the music certainly amplified the weirdness. The special effects range from good to bad. I liked the masks and makeup, but some of the "electricity" just looked terrible.

Coventry Ah, the perfect culinary combination: cheese and wine! Although, despite what the title and plot summary suggest, it's mainly cheese that we're served here in this thoroughly imbecile and incompetent excuse for an 80's horror movie. James Hong, the star of a literally endless list of TV-shows and bad B-movies, stars, wrote and even co-directed this movie that entirely revolves around himself as a successful and mysterious wine grower who lives on a private island with a bunch of loyal servants. Dr. Po worships an ancient Chinese god and the liquid he produces in his dungeon mainly serves to constantly rejuvenate his own 500-year-old body. He's also on the lookout for a bride and therefore he continuously lures young people to the island with the excuse of casting people for a movie. The girls end up imprisoned in the cellar and the boys become rotten zombies that aimlessly wander around the island. As you can derive from the summary, "The Vineyard" features several interesting ideas but sadly none of them are adequately processed in the screenplay. Late 80's horror movies are often chaotic, but at least a minimum of continuity would have been nice, don't you agree? The make-up art and special effects are tolerable (we've all seen worse, haven't we?) and the girls in the supportive cast are welcome eye-candy, especially Karen Witter and Cheryl Lawson.

Paul Andrews The Vineyard starts in Dr. Elson Po's (co-writer & co-director James Hong) laboratory, various pieces of scientific equipment, strangle liquid, beakers & test tubes adorn the tables. A extremely old looking Po drinks a strange magical potion that instantly restores his youth, well to a fairly young 60 years old. When he isn't making magical youth (60 years old?) potions Dr. Elson Po is a world famous wine maker. People are paying up to $50,000 a bottle, which is quite a lot really for a bottle of wine. Dr. Po invites various guests to his reclusive vineyard on his very own private island. A film producer named Paul Edmonds (Karl-Heinz Teuber) who brings two aspiring (& bad) actresses Jezebel Fairchild (Karen Witter) & Nancy Stone (Cheryl Madson), Lucas Carroll (Lars Wangberg) who is a martial arts type, Brian Whitman (Sean P. Donahue) & a journalist named Jeremy Young (Micheal Wong). Dr. Po's other guests are already there, Brad Fuller (Rue Douglas), Claudia Lee (Cheryl Lawson) & Celeste Jones (Sherri Ball). That night Po throws a big party for everyone in his mansion. The party ends up outside in the vineyard where Nancy spots a corpse sticking out of the ground since it appears to have only been buried a few inches down. However no one believes her, except that is Jeremy who is intrigued by Po & becomes convinced something strange is going on. After the party Dr. Po uses his magical powers to kill a few of his guests as he needs human bodies for his potion which will make him young (60 years old?) again. Dr. Po has special plans for Jezebel while the rest try to stay alive, rescue her & escape Dr. Po's island & it's horrifying secrets...Directed by Hong & William Rice I thought The Vineyard was an absolute mess of a horror film. The script by Hong, Douglas Kondo & James Marlowe can't decide what it wants to be, a comedy or horror. Maybe the fact that The Vineyard had two different directors was factor in how the film turned out but that's still no excuse for producing such a lame film. I just don't understand how someone who has the power of eternal youth would turn himself into a 60 year old man. The characters are poor, there is no tension, excitement or atmosphere, the plot is a mess hard to follow & very silly plus the whole film is quite amateurishly made throughout. The acting is bad, the special effects are bad, the fight scenes are bad & the dance sequence is embarrassing even by 80's standards as are the clothes & hairstyles. The zombies are pathetic, they actually throw punches & kicks rather than try & bite people & are defeated by throwing 'sacred soil' over them, lame. There's a witch zombie woman in the attic but she only appears to be there to scream a lot & look old. The plot of The Vineyard is very loose, most of what happens is of little importance towards the final outcome & is only there to waste time, the characters aren't really given any sort of background, they're bland cardboard cutouts, uninteresting, they are all very much alike & very little explanation is given for what Dr. Po is actually doing or how he's doing it. The whole production looks cheap, the effects, the sets, costumes & the ominous sounding sacrificial altar at the end of the film is nothing more than a chair with two candles, one either side! There is a scene where Jeremy is chained up & beaten but during & after this severe beating his over-sized glasses remain perfectly positioned on his face even though the force of the punches violently knocks him all over the place, there are many more examples of scenes like this that are badly thought out & come across as somewhat ridiculous looking. There are exactly two good scenes in The Vineyard, a sequence where spiders start to crawl out of an unfortunate woman's mouth & a scene where a guy has long needles shoot out of his throat, other than that it's badness all the way. Generally there isn't much blood or gore, just a quick decapitated head & that's about it. Overall The Vineyard features kung-fu fighting zombies, magical potions, ancient amulets, a mad Doctor, an ugly witch in the attic, a sacrifice, a dungeon full of chained up half naked women, a transvestite & some extremely bad 80's dancing but it still somehow manages to be terrible in just about every way possible. Credit where it's due though, & believe me The Vineyard doesn't deserve much, at least it's not a boring film & has a certain 'so bad it's good' thing about it, it's just a shame that it's a poorly thought out & executed one. Personally I'd say don't bother with The Vineyard as there are much better horror films out there worthy of your attention.

ParaGraph My Gooooood! I'm just tired to repeat this eternal question: Why was this movie ever made? This is worse than Troll 2, worse than Witchery and Crawlers, it sucks. All the characters and "actors" (they're unique, they have done only this feature)are involved in this story only because they will be victims. This movie just hurts. Zombie make up is cheap and acting and script are hopeless... Total failure!