rush830 I've done that, so I know for fact it's true. It really is. I'm pretty forgiving when it comes to bad movies too. I could even say that I enjoyed watching Manos: Hands of Fate after watching this.I can't really say exactly why this movie was bad, as it was so horrible I've blacked out all memory of the plot. Or was there a plot at all? I suppose it's just as well.Not even Crow, Servo and Mike's humor could make this movie tolerable. I suppose if they created a version where they muted out Kathy Ireland's voice, then it might resemble something that's a slightly more annoying than Chinese water torture. But as is, I'd take the head crusher, the rack or even the Spanish tickler, anything but this movie.Avoid at all costs.

Tommy Nelson This movie is a bizarre fantasy tale, that I'm sure doesn't appeal to anyone over 10, but is too strange for children. The plot is stupid, and the acting is some of the worst I've ever seen.25-year old Kathy Ireland plays a teenage girl who acts like a 9-year old. She seems to have gotten her character's voice by listening to Alvin and the Chipmunks. Her high pitched, screechy baby voice gets annoying the second she starts talking. All of the other acting is bad, but really Kathy Ireland is by far the worst. The plot is also terrible and is kind of a mix between Alice in Wonderland and Mad Max. Wanda Saknussemm (Ireland) gets a letter saying her father, who left her a long time ago, fell down a bottomless pit in Africa, and when she goes to find him, she falls into an underground world full of strange Australian accented people. It's one of the corniest movie you'll ever see, with terrible lines throughout. It's annoying the effects this movie uses for character development. Kathy Ireland is a nerd who won't do anything or go anywhere. She flies to Africa....wow, what development! She drops her glasses and then doesn't need them. Why does dropping one's glasses represent them not becoming a nerd. It should represent her descent into blindness. It's just stupid. The only positive I can think is there are semi-good special effects and camera work, and the musical score sounds OK.Overall this a ridiculous family fantasy that will only appeal to those who expect nothing from a movie.My rating: 1/2 out of ****. 84 mins. PG for violence.

Space_Mafune A California valley girl named Wanda Saknussemm (Kathy Ireland), desperately searching for a means to make a new start and escape her nerdish tendencies, goes to Africa in search of her absentee archaeologist father following reports he may have fallen into a bottomless pit only for her to stumble and fall down the same hole. She winds up in a bizarre and strange underground city named Atlantis which just might be at the center of the Earth. There she befriends a miner she calls "Gus" and continues searching for her long lost Papa. However those dwelling in the underground city have heard rumors of there being aliens from the surface world hidden amongst them and despite the government's constant denial that aliens exist on television, they still offer rewards for the capture of anyone who might be thought an "alien" making Wanda a target for many unscrupulous types.This is a relatively harmless fantasy time-waster. In fact, the non-discriminating fantasy viewer may actually enjoy this one. This is kind of like a California Valley Girl version of ALICE IN WONDERLAND with a bit of THE WIZARD OF OZ thrown in filtered through a BLADE RUNNER-esquire setting with the train of events playing out rather like SPACEHUNTER but this movie isn't anywhere near as good as any of those. I have to admit I actually had fun watching this though it's just so outrageous and outlandish in its approach. The sets too prove surprisingly effective for a low budget movie. Plus I always get a kick out of the state controlled television announcements which prove incredibly transparent in their intent. While this is definitely not for everyone (it stars Kathy Ireland who's really no actress, borrows most of its plot from other movies and things always feel a little too safe and sure for our leads), there are those who might find enjoyment here although it's a little tough to explain why exactly. Just the harmless fun of it all I guess.

davegering Back in the 1960's, those of us who were bad movie aficionados thought that "Plan Nine From Outer Space" was the worst movie ever made, and would remain so for all time. To put things in perspective, though, we also thought that $3,000 was a lot to pay for a new car.As we grew older, our innocence was gradually stripped away as we were exposed to movies like "Hercules in New York" and "Overdrawn at the Memory Bank," which completely redefined the "bad movie" genre. In this context, last night, my son and I saw "Alien From L.A.," which pushed the envelope to an extreme unimaginable just a generation ago. To call this movie "bad" (or wretched or execrable) completely fails to do it justice, as does any other label existent in the English language. Even if there were words with which to accurately describe this movie, it would be of no consequence, since they would be banned in civilized society.The Alien referred to in the title is played by Kathy Ireland, who apparently took some time off from modeling swimsuits for Sports Illustrated, to kick off her cinematic career. Her casting might seem some sort of recommendation, until you actually see the movie. The makeup artists earned their money by making Kathy look so drab and unappetizing you would not want to touch her with the far end of a broomstick -- no mean feat. To put it bluntly, in this movie she has a face that would freeze Medusa. Even worse than her look, though, was her voice, which was so raucous that I initially failed to credit it as originating with a human being. Throughout the movie, I found myself longing for a chalkboard to drag my nails across to cover the screechy twang of her dialog. At the end of the movie, Kathy finally gets a makeover and finds herself in her beloved swimsuit. I suggested to my son that the movie would have been better if they had put her in the swimsuit at the beginning of the movie, so at least we would have had something to watch. My son perceptively pointed out that if they had then removed the swimsuit and stuffed it into her mouth, it would have considerably improved the movie on two counts. I defer to the plain brilliance of his observation. If you have any doubts, compare this dreck to "Barbarella," in which a competent filmmaker shows how to exploit the assets of an ethereally beautiful leading lady in the fantasy genre.Of the plot, itself, there is little on which to comment, since there was so little in evidence. It is said that if a million monkeys typed unceasingly for millions of years, eventually one would come up with "Hamlet." By the process of elimination, the rest of the time they would come up with something approximating this screenplay. Imagine, if you will, a modern-day Alice falling into a hole and dropping 500 feet onto a rock slab, following which she gets up, dusts herself off, and starts looking for her long-lost father in the city-kingdom of Atlantis. Once in Atlantis, she spends most of her time running, fighting, or climbing stairs and ladders, and basically trying to keep out of the hands of a general who seems to have no soldiers to do his bidding, and who would make Tiny Tim look macho. This summation, as abbreviated as it appears, is probably longer than the shooting script.On the plus side, as you revel in the production values and take in whatever you can of the sets and costumes through the smoke and haze, you realize that this is one movie in which you can actually see on the screen where all $20 of the budget went.The thought that kept going through my mind was that filmmakers ought not be given access to drugs and alcohol while they are shooting a movie, or perhaps prior, if it leads to results like "Alien from L.A.," though in fairness I have to acknowledge that I don't know whether they were actually involved in substance abuse, or were simply brain dead at the outset of the project.