dukeakasmudge ***Spoilers Ahead, Maybe?*** The only thing memorable about this movie was the opening murder scene.It was straight up brutal & after watching it, I wondered if I should've just turned it off then & there but as you already figured out, I didn't.The rest of the movie is forgettable.After you watch Machete Joe, you'll probably forget everything you watched in a couple hours.Oh yeah, the only other thing you might remember is the way Scooter was killed & dragged off (Gory & Brutal) Why did they have to kill off Scooter? He was funny & the best thing about the movie.Anywayz...... Was it just me or did everybody's voice seem like they were dubbed in English? Weird.I can't recommend anybody go see this movie unless nothing else good is on & you're BORED out of your mind like I was.Most importantly, ONLY watch Machete Joe if you can see it for free.If you have to pay or are thinking about paying to watch it, give that $$$ to me!!!

Scott LeBrun But then, anybody who decides to go ahead and watch this will find that out. As a devoted watcher of horror movies of all budgets, I would have liked to have enjoyed this one a little more. Overall, it's just way too routine to really work, and any moments that could conceivably be pinpointed as the highlights are few and far between. A pity, because this is the first genre film that I've seen since 1990's "Def by Temptation" that had a predominantly black cast (with a few token white guys on hand here). Written by Gordon Greene, one of its actors, it tells the story of a deformed murderer who as a child had seen his mother, a prostitute, slaughtered by a john. This same individual then makes life miserable for a film crew attempting to tell his story. Unfortunately, it's too hard to really care for many of these characters; by the end, one can start liking them a bit more, but by then it's too little, too late. The makeup effects and gore are decent enough, so if the prospective viewer is a gore junkie, they at least can get some entertainment out of this. The cast does feature some familiar faces, but they're basically just picking up a pay cheque: the great Ernie Hudson is reduced to a thankless cameo role as the local lawman, who flirts with his sexy young deputy but who doesn't do much else. One will also recognize character actor Art Evans, as the aged driver Sammy; he's been in such things as "Fright Night" and "Die Hard 2". As for the other actors, they're tolerable at best, but one good thing is that some of the ladies are quite attractive; too bad there's no sex or nudity in this thing. This is particularly tough going in its first half, which mostly consists of the characters arguing and fighting with each other. The horror quotient finally picks up in the second half, but the final body count may be too small for some tastes. The killer, played by Paul Campbell, just isn't that interesting overall. This is the kind of thing I couldn't really recommend to anybody, unless they're die hard horror fanatics willing to try out anything they see in a store, and even they might come away disappointed. Proceed at your own risk. Four out of 10.

slatromhsiloof Anyone who would give this movie 10 stars is either part of the production crew or severely brain damaged. This film has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Do yourself a favor and avoid this steaming pile of feces. Two grade school children with a webcam could put together a better production than this. I've seen videos on U tube that were far more entertaining. I would imagine they pulled the script from a Universal Studios port-a-potty, then enticed a few homeless people to act in the film by offering them day old donuts as payment. The rest of the budget probably went to hookers and blow. Take a hint producers of this turd: If you are going to make a movie this horrible, you had better switch to pornography as those movies don't depend on stories or acting ability. Sorry for spoiling your scam of throwing up fake 10 star reviews in an effort to sucker people into paying money to watch your horrible waste of time. If you want to put up these fake reviews you should probably put up a more believable 4 stars, as even that is far more than this movie deserves. Just so you know, I saw this movie FOR FREE and it was turned off after the first ten minutes. It was that bad.

Robert W. I find it very hard to review movies like this. I am a huge horror fan and I watch a lot of B Movie crap and you can't really say its horribly bad and to avoid it because you have to know what you're going into. The movie is bad...its just horrible...and its mind blowing to think that at least one of the IMDb reviews was a perfect 10/10 because that's just utter stupidity. There isn't anything redeemable about this. The acting is awful, its not even acting, the special effects are ridiculous, its not even gory because the kills are done off camera so that they could spend no money on special effects. But the cast has to know what they are doing is bad, they may even act bad on purpose, hoping they will making something so bad that it'll be good...a cult classic perhaps but Machete Joe will never reach that because its just plain stupid. I won't even spend time talking cast because they are all awful. I can't even imagine why Ernie Hudson (easily the biggest name in the film) would even have a cameo in this but he does. The only redemption for this is that you might get some chuckles out of how bad it truly is and for what its worth the story isn't a complete loss. Essentially a young boy watches his mother being raped, and then out of torture has his face brutally scarred and thus becomes a serial killer. The setting is awful, looks like plastic rocks and trees. Machete Joe isn't even a movie...its literally a joke. Even fans of the truly bad horror movies won't even find this watchable. Just steer clear of it. 1/10