pmerridew I came by this film via the B side, If I may call it such, of a double DVD, the A side being the moderately watchable, Lawnmower Man.The initial potential for this film being good, seemed well, good. With a cast that included Malcolm McDowell, there must be, I thought something good about this film.How wrong I was.The storyline, if there is one, doesn't move beyond first base: a film/book should have a beginning, middle and an end; this film has a beginning. That's it! It's as if the director of this film was content enough to direct action, in a nice location, and leave the viewer to make up his/her mind about the "plot".By the end of the film, I was left bemused and confused in equal measure.What baffled me above all else was: how on earth did Malcolm McDowell read a script for this film and then say to himself "yes, I think I'll do this"? The conclusion I came to was that he must have been particularly short of cash that he could not turn down the role!

Gubby-Allen I saw the rating of 2.0 when I browsed the four films on this DVD. I wasn't expecting much, but I expected a bit more than this. Hugh Grant, Malcolm McDowell, a suspense thriller, I thought maybe a 3 or even a 4/10.But there was not a single redeemable quality to it, not one and the 2.0 average rating looks extremely generous. You find yourself asking all sorts of questions throughout, outside of the obvious "what the hell am I wasting my time with this for". Why characters are doing what they are doing, why has this happened, what it is, why has it gone to slow-motion...but they're all rhetorical questions as you know nobody has the faintest idea, even those that wrote it probably.The end makes no sense - following on nicely from the previous 90 minutes. The cameraman at times was either sloshed or in hysterics (probably at taking a wage for a film like this) that the shots jump around all over the place, I'm sure he trips over while filming at one point.There's an recurring focus on a pigeon flying around the sky, which at first is unnecessary and irritating but by the end the pigeon is one of the few who come away with any credit at all and leave with his head held high.By my reckoning Hugh Grant and Vera have sex three times within 24 hours of meeting and by the end of the first full night are chatting away like they're Terry and June when in reality they've known each other less than a day.There are some films down at the 1/10s, the Robin Askwith ones, where they are so bad they are quite amusing for it. This wasn't one of those.

sublime_boom_box This film is without doubt the worst film I have ever seen, and if you think that this claim is mere hyperbole then I implore you to see it for yourself, for once you have every film you see thereafter will seem better no matter how cringe-inducing the acting or nonsensical the plot. Night Train to Venice literally has to be seen to be believed. The so-called plot sees Hugh Grant, who should be thoroughly ashamed of himself for agreeing to appear in this drivel no matter how much he needed the money, boarding the Orient Express to Venice to take a manuscript he has written exposing a neo-Nazi movement to a publishing house. However, he is being followed by a group of badly-dubbed Nazis who are as camp as Christmas and about as terrifying as tinsel.Speaking of Christmas, Grant's laughable dialogue where he states that he hopes to receive books rather than socks next year because "I'm an intellectual", is one of the few hilarious high points, though for all the wrong reasons, and leads to the first of the film's many soft-core sex scenes, interpolated with the sight of a transvestite miming to Edith Piaf. This is just one of many examples of just how random and bizarre this film is, it's as if no one involved put any effort into making it coherent. Questions are asked but are never answered, and if you are hoping for an ending where the whole thing comes together and makes sense then think again, you'll be left scratching your head long after the sight of Hugh Grant having sex for the umpteenth time has disappeared from the screen, and not because the film is complex or in any way clever, it just seems to have been thrown together without any of the filmmakers caring about plot or substance. What exactly is the point of having Malcolm MacDowell grimace at the screen in slow motion in every scene? Why are so many scenes interrupted by shots of the train going past, as if we hadn't worked out yet that the film is set on a train? The actual script can only have been about seven pages long and the director has cruelly padded it out with naff slow-motion and totally unnecessary establishing shots. If you watch this film, prepare yourself for some (unintended by the 'filmamkers') laughs but most of all to be baffled and bored by this unbelievably awful movie.

g_skerry I first saw 'train to hell' in France in 2004. It was in one of those 3-in-1 compilations - a sure sign of its poor quality. Its excellence, however, is belied by surely the most unrepresentatively titled film ever. Train to hell. No. train to Venice. Yes.I expected it to be a dark nightmarish train journey, culminating in some sort of death. However, the train appeared quite pleasant, apart from the odd camp German skinhead neo-Nazi stereotypes and Malcolm Macdowell, whose silence is enough to turn any milk sour with fear. Truly a spectacular start. It gets better.Martin Gemmel gets Amnesia, but his constant questions 'who am I? Who is Martin Gemmel?' should surely be replaced with 'What is this film? Is there a plot?' If he had asked these, I'm sure he would have never recovered. Just as you think, 55 minutes in, that the film is about to go somewhere, it ends. Malcom Macdowell, looking ominous, stares for five minutes, then Hugh Grant runs over to save a child from a high fall. Cut to some Venice Tourist Board shots of Venice by Helicopter, and Bam! the film ends. Just over an hour, containing at least 20 minutes of needless footage of Venice and trains, this film has everything a film should: gratuitous sex, violence, explosions, a high profile actor (Macdowell), a rising star (Grant), Nazis, Slow motion, psychoanalytical 'barn' shots.Everyone should watch this film. It is amazing.