Woodyanders
2032. The desperate crew of a small space shuttle find themselves being terrorized by a lethal and slimy alien.Boy, does this hilariously horrendous honey possess all the right wrong stuff to rate as a real four-star stinkeroonie: Clunky (mis)direction by Lance Lindsay (who also wrote the asinine script), terrible acting by a lame no-name cast, lots of gross goo, rinky-dink (not so) special effects, a meandering narrative that unfolds at a plodding pace, cheap sets (the space station looks suspiciously like a shopping mall!), one-note cardboard characters who include a hysterical blonde bimbo and a token obnoxiously hip expendable black dude, tacky gore, a gloriously ludicrous sentimental ending in which the heretofore hostile extraterrestrial suddenly becomes benign and apologizes to the two survivors for its previous violent actions (!), and a hideously sappy synth pop song called "Crystal of a Star" sung by Stefanianna Christopherson, who was the original voice of Daphne on "Scooby-Doo." A total cruddy hoot.
JamieWJackson
Very mild spoiler (of something which happens in the first 20 minutes): So in our cast we've got 2 slightly past-their-prime shampoo TV commercial models, 1 foul-tempered missing linkess, and a heart-poundingly cute goddess named Emily Longstreth. What's a movie production to do but kill off the goddess straight away and take our chances with the rest after........huh??There are many things to be said about this alleged movie. Like "in space, no one can hear you crawl". Or "why act when we can just sit here?" Or "hey, you know... tying these random scenes together doesn't actually require an explanation, just some splicing tape". Or "glowing dot showdown Survivor -- in SPACE!"Only watch this if you have a strong tolerance for junk and your life is simply 91 minutes too damn long. (So... why did I watch it? Schlock OCD, I guess. That and Emily Longstreth! Even if only for a scandalously few minutes.)
lost-in-limbo
Oh this wasn't good. Far from it! The problem here is that isn't entertaining and it seems to get worse as it goes along, but 'Star Crystal' is a hard one to get your head around. Everything looks bare bones
and it is. But what does it in, is that it just lounging about
aimlessly. It was completely dull and uneventfully drawn out. Wooden performances, drably second-rate sets and vapid dialogues in the mould of 'Alien (1979)'. Truly routine, but a z-grade rehash! We get some tentacle action as the meagre crew are quickly picked off when they encounter the threat. So it's the survival of the fittest, with some minor hopeless diversions. Then it spontaneously changes course in the last 10 minutes (you'll see), and I don't know what the film-makers were thinking. It was so unhinged and ridiculous; you could be mistaken in asking "Was it the same movie?" However talk about cheese
super cheesy and laughable! 'can we just get along?' And wait for the sweetly weeping closing song about crystal
Oh why? Saying it was goofy is an understatement, but hey you can't see this one coming.The special effects must have received top-billing, (no it did, but scrap the meteor shower sequence) with few icky inclusions and dashes of blood, but it's still a spotty display. The creature is mixture of a slug and fluorescent E.T., as we watch it morph from a puddle that dripped off some outerspace crystal. The score has that dreamy, soft edge that seems to meld in quite well.
Akzidenz_Grotesk
I got this at 50% off in the bargain bin at my local electronic closing sale. Unlike most commentators here (who seem to expect every sci-fi movie to be a mass market blockbuster), I enjoyed it- even the ending. It could have had more gore, but the gore scene special effects were well done. It could have been shorter, too...a good candidate for "Mystery Science Theater 3000" to do an episode on. ********SPOLIER BELOW--ONLY READ IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS MOVIE******** When engineer Roger Campbell is traveling thru the tunnel, what the heck was that small, oily black creature with the white eyes and sharp teeth that dropped on him? The movie never explains what it was.
AD
