HaemovoreRex That old rascal Tomas Tang (or is it Godfrey Ho? - In fact, a certain Joseph Hong is listed as director on the version I saw!) strikes again with yet another cut and splice ninja masterwork *splutter* starring the one and only Stuart Smith (billed here as Stuart Steen). The plot? OK, here goes (brace yourselves)…………A group of evil ninja are trying to get their hands on some top secret files pertaining to a certain 'K-16 Ballistic Missile' with which they intend to take over the world. We know this to be the case because, in between laughing incessantly to himself like an idiot, the ninja boss is shown over-exemplifying this information to his decidedly gormless followers (does he have to remind them every single day?!)At the start of this film, we witness a failed attempt to nab the relevant papers wherein a number of the ninja cronies intercept a handover deal with the intention of stealing the goods (and killing the sellers!). Alas, the now dead dealers were trying to pull one over themselves and it turns out didn't even have the papers in the first place!Mightily unimpressed by this the ninja boss rebukes his followers (via a tape recorder!) and warns them to get the papers back or else.Suddenly we cut to the original film into which the ninja segments are edited. The plot concerns criminal boss Buck who (we're told) is under the ninja boss' employment. We also get to meet David, an honest guy who needs a buck or two (of the monetary variety) and who subsequently joins Buck's organisation as a debt collector of sorts. This is where things get a bit complex so bear with me…..David is estranged from his father, Mr Hong, who is a policeman investigating Buck after Buck supposedly hired a ninja to murder his wife – David's mother. David also happens to be staying with his sister June and her boyfriend Phillip.Also around this time we first get to meet God, erm – I mean Stuart Smith's character Sydney. Yep Bad acting is most definitely on the cards here as we see him exaggeratingly jogging down the street with small weights in his hands whilst pulling hilariously exaggerated facial expressions. Whilst on this rather painful looking jog Sydney is witness to a ninja murder (the ninja was spying on David and kills some poor sap who spotted him) Having obviously been inspired by Smith's overacting skills the ninja promptly runs back to his boss and puts on his best attempt at bad acting himself as he prays for forgiveness for his ineptitude. For his trouble his boss promptly kills him (how dare anyone presume to copy Smith!) We also learn now that Sydney is not only an inept exercise fanatic but also a CIA operative to! Meanwhile, David finds his new found job to be at odds with his morals and prevents his fellow debt collectors from taking cash back from a girl. Hearing this, boss Buck is none too impressed…..Sydney too is having a bit of trouble when he is suddenly set upon by two ninja in a public park. But wait…..Sydney suddenly reveals himself to be a red ninja(!) and swiftly dispatches of them (with one managing to run away to tell his boss of this somewhat dramatic development) As it happens the ninja boss (via a flashback) is already acquainted with Red ninja as they trained under the same master together.Elsewhere David is informed by Rose that he is in danger. Who the hell is Rose you may ask? Well she's Buck's mistress who he treats like shi - ahem, very badly. Rose also pays Mr. Hong a visit (remember him – David and June's dad?) and tries to tell him not to pursue his revenge plot against Buck and the ninja. However, his mind is already made up – he wants justice!David meanwhile is taught a lesson for his moral meanderings when he is given a good beat down in a parking lot whilst Sydney watches all this from behind a pillar - why the hell didn't he help?!?! - Well obviously because he's in a completely different movie!!!!!With the 1000 word limit on IMDb I'm going to have to briefly summarise events now...OK here goes....Sydney contacts Phillip who is revealed to be a white ninja(!!!), Phillip informs Mr Hong of Davids whereabouts with Buck, David and his goons beat up Phillip thus prompting June to disown her brother, Rose is murdered, Mr Hong mopes around musing his crappy life, during a training session Sydney cuts off a small birds head(!!!), Sydney and Phillip intercept the handover of the K-16 documents (but the ninja boss escapes), David tries to quit Buck's organisation thus prompting Buck to attempt to have him killed, this plan fails but David ends up in jail (but makes up with his father, June and Phillip) and finally Sydney meets up with the ninja boss for a final showdown....phew!!!Well what can I say? High art this is not but for fans of cinematic ineptitude this is gold! Of course the main attraction (and source of amusement) here is Smith himself who as always, puts in yet another hilariously dreadful performance. Every time he appears on screen laughter is absolutely guaranteed! Smith highlights? Two especially stand out as exceptionally bad, firstly his jogging scenes early on which showcase his attempts at 'exhausted' facial expressions and secondly the bizarre sequence mentioned briefly above in which during a rigorous training session he manages to slice a small bird out of the air and follows this with the most conceited look of satisfaction I have ever witnessed! You've just got to hand it to Smith, in terms of overacting, no one on earth even comes close to him! The man is God I tell you!

rottingcarrot This cut and splice crap fest features a few brief ninja battles between painfully long scenes from a boring Wang Yu film from the seventies.Jimmy Wang Yu is normally a pleasure to watch in such films as return of the one armed swordsman, the Chinese boxer series and master of the flying guillotine to name a few but this movie ( a modern day crime "thriller" ) is just a low budget, low concept snooze fest with boring, uninspired fight scenes. Wang yu was far from a kung fu expert in real life but with the right fight choreographers and actors working with him along with his acting and directing skills Wang Yu was a great action hero. Here Wang yu just looks like some guy who gets in brawls with other guys. In other words the kung fu blows.But who cares about the filler. The footage you want to see is Stuart smith as some CIA guy or maybe just some jogger (they don't explain it too well) who is trying to destroy the camouflage ninja and his gang of black ninjas who are trying to get the documents for the K 19 nuclear missile for Buck, the leader of the Chinese mafia.Unfortunately most of the footage with stuart smith is just there to move the plot along and there aren't many ninja fight scenes but a few of the scenes are stuart smith classics. There's this scene thats just a close up shot of smith jogging with weights in his hands and this expression on his face that's supposed to show how hard he's training I guess but he looks like he's experiencing excruciating pain. Another great scene with smith is him training in his red ninja costume and this bird flies by so he cuts its head off and then poses with this look of great accomplishment on his face.The actual ninja fight scenes with smiths red ninja body double are actually really good. Nice sword play. Smith even does a couple action sequences himself that are a breath of fresh air after the boring wang yu fight scenes.Anyway this is worth watching if you have a high tolerance or a love for totally inept film-making. If you rent this expecting a legitimate action movie I pity you. You'd be better off watching Snake eater 2.

kurt-beullens This must be one of the worst movies i've seen, and I've seen quit a lot of movies and also quit a lot of really bad movies. Actually, you can call me a fan of bad movies, so you shouldn't be surprised to read that this is like some kind of masterpiece to me! I'm not going to talk about the story, because it's a real mess and doesn't make any sense at all. The actors are all terrible, but I certainly need to mention Stuart Smith as Sydney who is one of the worst in the job. Watching him is painfully funny. There are 3 scenes with him (only with him, you see him hardly interact with other actors, the reason for that is explained in "Trivia") which are trill "great": * Him running in the streets on "Tonight, Tonight, Tonight" by Genesis, * the scene with the little bird and his sword (you have to see this to believe it, it's hilarious) * and his phone-conversation towards the end of the movie.The dubbing and the sound-effects are lousy, the camera-work is shitty, well I can go on and on, but fans of "worst of the worst"-movies have by now understood that this is a must-have for their collection.I should give it 0/10 for obvious reasons, but also a 10/10 for entertainment value, so my final figure is a 5/10. A must see!!

The Funk Munk This is the greatest movie ever made. See it. If you can't find it, go to Canada and buy it for 99 cents (Canadian). It will change your life forever. It's good because there is no plot, but there are ninjas jumping around trees and stuff. Jesus likes this movie, why don't you?