lost-in-limbo Admitting your problem is hard… now for vampires there's a twelve step program to overcome their addictive craving for human blood, but this recovery process is sure to bring on the cold turkey. "Vampire Anonymous" is a quirky and hip, if smartly realised low-budget vampire comedy that is enjoyably charming despite the familiar developments. Vic Weller (a likable Paul Popowich) makes a call to Vampires Anonymous (1- 800-555-BITE) after biting yet again another girlfriend. Signing up to this group, he takes a test which picks out sheep as his best choice for blood source and his relocated to a small country town with Geno (a laconic Michael Madsen) as his sponsor whenever he needs advice. However the program doesn't seem to be working as he brings attention to his drinking habits as he slowly begins to fall off the wagon, as an underpaid corporate vampire slayer (a perfectly bitchy Michelle Stafford) gets on his trail and the police start investigating the disappearance of the town's depleting sheep population. Also he has taken a liking to the sweet Maggie Miller (the lovely Nicole Forester). The story is an amusingly sharp spin on addiction and the help that is offered in overcoming it. Satirically biting and creative in its comical situations, but the small town dramas are systematic, so is the romance angle. "Don't be an f**king sheep in your next life."

Paul Andrews Vampires Anonymous starts in Los Angeles where Vampire Vic Weller (Paul Popowich) needs help controlling his addiction to blood so he calls Vampires Anonymous who run a twelve step program for Vampires. A program designed to make Vampires not want to drink human blood & be there if they need help or are having trouble, the first step is apparently to 'admit you have a problem' & ends with 'smile, your a winner!' although there's lots of hard work & temptation to overcome between. Vic gets packed of to Rock Creek, North Carolina where he has to blend in with the locals & feed on the blood of sheep but Vic finds it hard to suppress the Vampire within himself...Co-written, co-produced & directed by Michael Keller I have to say right off the bat that I hated Vampires Anonymous., of course this is just my opinion & I'm in no way saying that you will definitely hate it but I think there's a fair chance the majority of potential viewers will find much more to hate in Vampires Anonymous than like. The script by Keller & J.P. Srinivasan is the biggest problem here, again this is just my opinion but I thought it was terrible. Vampires Anonymous is supposed to be some sort of light hearted comedy horror romance with a pinch of biting satire about therapy groups & psychiatric help thrown in there for good (bad?) measure. If that basic story outline makes you laugh then you may enjoy Vampires Anonymous but I thought it was an awful attempt at trying to be clever & funny & different, Vampires Anonymous is one of the most unfunny comedies I've ever seen & the makers can't even pull off a good sheep shagging farmer joke. The genre of horror comedy is very hard to pull off & the makers of this fail in spectacular fashion, the horror elements are none existent, the romance is so cheesy & predictable I almost threw up & it took me four sittings of twenty odd minutes each to get through this because I literally couldn't get through it one go.Director Keller turns in a competent film & that's the only reason this turd gets two stars out of ten rather than one. It's not scary, it's definitely not funny, there's no tension, it's utterly predictable, the story is all over the place, the character's are unlikable, the dialogue sucks & I found it a real chore to sit through. I didn't like it. At all. Forget about any gore, there's a couple of neck bitings & a bit of blood drinking otherwise nothing. No nudity either. According to the closing credits Vampires Anonymous was edited by the interesting named Farm Dog, either that it was was literally edited by a farm dog.Technically the film is fine & is really the only positive aspect of it but since it sucks so bad in every other way does it really matter? Shot in Burlington in North Carolina apparently, I doubt this is going to do much for the tourist numbers though. I have some advice for Michael Madsen, get a new agent considering some of the crap he's been in. I mean from the classy Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003) to this as his next film?! Having said that the quotes 'I probably made a few pictures I shouldn't have done, but I have four sons and I have to pay the rent. If you have a decision to make about whether or not you can buy groceries at the market or whether or not you're going to make a bad movie, you're going to make a bad movie.' & 'My career has been very strange. My career is like a heart monitor. I get involved in a good project now and then to keep things going. And then I make things that I work on that I hope are going to be good so I can make a living and keep a roof over the heads of those little monsters I have in my house. You know, every movie you make can't be great, no matter who you are. Even Brando made some clinkers.' from his page on the IMDb explains why he makes rubbish like Vampires Anonymous. We all have to pay the rent I suppose.Vampires Anonymous sucks as much as the Vampires in the film, I'm sorry but I really disliked every aspect of the story & found it so unfunny & moronic it's untrue. If your looking for biting satire go elsewhere, if your looking for some laughs go elsewhere, if your looking for some horror go elsewhere & if your looking to be entertained go elsewhere.

Backlash007 ~Spoiler~Vampires Anonymous had an interesting, and as far as I know original, premise for a horror/comedy. As you can tell from the title, it involves a vamp who's tired of living off of human blood. So he starts attending VA (Vampires Anonymous) meetings, is given a sponsor (Michael Madsen), and an alternate food source. His alternate food source is sheep so he is forced to relocate to a hick town and all sorts of hijynx ensues. The movie had quite a few good gags and a competent cast. The funniest moment came from a farmer who was a little too involved with his sheep. It's a bit light on the horror though, so be wary if that's what you're looking for. This film would have fit right in during the 80's with flicks like Once Bitten, Rockula, and My Best Friend is a Vampire.

Kim I just saw this movie as part of San Jose's Cinequest Film Festival, and I must say it is very well done considering the budget they had to work with. The storyline is brilliant, and the dialogue is hilarious. The main character, Vic, is tired of always succumbing to bloodlust and killing the people he loves, so he enrolls in a 12-Step program called Vampires Anonymous which tells him that he should switch to sheep, and move to North Carolina. Here he meets the girl of his dreams, and much humour ensues. According to the filmmakers, they are attempting to get it out on video by the end of the year, so if you didn't get a chance to see it in the theatres, you will get your opportunity. I highly recommend this movie as a break from some of the normal Buffy-esque vampire lore (which is fantastic in its own right) that is so common these days. I give it 10 Stars!