Michael Ledo Nothing says 80s like David Hasselhoff and Linda Blair. The film opens with an event that took place in the past of a pregnant woman being hunted down on an island hotel. Leslie (Leslie Cumming) is a virgin doing paranormal studies at this site along with her frustrated photographer boyfriend Hasselhoff. As the hotel is for sale a group of rich people, including the expected Linda Blair come to the location...all of which is an elaborated plan by a dead witch who wants to kill off a few in the group. The group is stuck in the house during a storm, but Tom Bodett keeps the light on for them, so how scary can it be?Yes. Totally 80's. Acting par on a Hassellhoff scale. Made for TV type sound track. Almost campy looking back at it.Parental guide: rape. nudity (Leslie Cumming)

Vomitron_G An Italian horror movie with so many juicy AKA titles and starring both Linda Blair and David Hasselhoff... I mean, that has got to be worth it, right? "Witchery" is not even as inept as Umberto Lenzi's "Ghosthouse" - or maybe it is - and it's about as much fun. Hassle Da Hoff is always worth a few chuckles, if you ask me. Linda Blair gets to play her possessed self again, with an exploded hairdo this time. "Witchery" also features a handful of pretty memorable killings (lips sewn tight and burned in the fireplace, pulsating veins popping & squirting and bleeding to death, nailed to the cross and burned like a witch upside down, etc). This movie really ain't wrapped too tight, and there lies the beauty of it all: Italian genre movies from the 80's are usually a pretty bonkers affair altogether (that ghostly rape of a virgin was a winner! - yes, there's boobies). Safe to say I enjoyed "Witchery", more than I thought I would . Both Lenzi's first one (Italian title: "La Casa 3") and this unrelated, unofficial second film are recommended viewings if you like your haunted house stuff trashy, gory and Italian-style. Much like a big, greasy pizza, these movies aren't exactly nutritious, but they're tasty as hell.

HumanoidOfFlesh Leslie and her boyfriend Gary travel out to an island in search of the witch lights that are reputed to be there as part of her research for a book on witchcraft.Freddie Brooks and his family travel out to the same island to examine the abandoned hotel to consider the possibility of buying it.They all become stranded there.The house's previous owner comes back from the dead in order to drag the visitors down to Hell as bloody sacrifices."Witchery" features some tasteless stuff including satanic rape scene and some nasty gore.The photography is slick and the editing is great.It's nice to see David Hasselhoff and Linda Blair in this stylish Italian shocker.The scene of Leslie Cummins rape by an incubus with his lips sewn shut has to be seen to be believed.8 out of 10.

Woodyanders I must confess that I've been a huge fan of the almighty David "the Hoff" Hasselhoff ever since he starred in the hit 80's TV series "Knight Rider." Whether it's his extraordinary debut as a libidinous high school basketball player in the hilariously raunchy "Revenge of the Cheerleaders" or his brilliant portrayal of a dashing prince in the schlocky sci-fi gem "Starcrash," the Hoff has proved time and time again that he's a simply terrific (and shamefully underrated) actor supreme. The Hoff excels here as Gary, a cynical and skeptical photographer who along with his repressed virginal writer girlfriend Leslie (attractive brunette Leslie Cummings) investigates a seedy dilapidated haunted hotel located on a remote island off the coast of Massachussetts. They're doing research on witchcraft throughout the ages and the hotel's last owner was an actress who allegedly practiced the black arts. A bickering family also shows up on the premises to check out the hotel. Pretty soon various folks begin to get bumped off in assorted gruesome ways by the mysterious Lady in Black (an effectively eerie Hildegard Knef).Granted, the rest of the cast gives the Hoff a run for his money: the ever-perky Linda Blair projects her customary charming flair as a spunky pregnant woman who winds up becoming possessed (natch!), legendary jazz singer Annie Ross bitches it up with gleeful aplomb as a snippy old bat (poor Annie winds up being incinerated alive after she has her lips sewn shut and she's hung upside down in a chimney), and gorgeous blonde Catherine Hickland oozes considerable sex appeal from every fetching pore as a lusty slut. Fabrizio Laurenti's competent direction, a suitably creepy atmosphere, Gianlorenzo Battaglia's slick, glossy cinematography (the fluid prowling Steadicam tracking shots are especially nice), the gaudy special effects, Carlo Maria Cordio and Randy Miller's spirited shuddery'n'spooky score, and the gory, sadistic violence are all up to par. But ultimately it's the tremendously dynamic and charismatic presence of the one and only the Hoff which makes this choice tasty chunk of tacky Italian horror cheese such a winner: He takes his shirt off once (hubba hubba!), gets sprayed with blood, and -- WARNING: Major *SPOILER* ahead -- even meets a pleasingly grisly untimely end. Produced by none other than Joe D'Amato, this picture overall rates as good, sleazy fun.