pirate-49 I am not foolish enough to think that most GREAT stories don't have a least a little bit of fabrication and embellishment involved in creating it. That being said; some level of realism or believability certainly helps get me into a story.When it comes to pirate movies; the idea of some young pretty boy in mascara (Jack Sparrow), who could not intimidate a little old lady on the corner—let alone run a crew of cutthroats, is just a wee bit of a stretch for me. In addition to make believe monsters, and the likes, well suffice it to say, that just don't do it for me.Roman Pulaski's 1986 Pirates is perhaps one of the biggest movie flops of the 80's. A ship costing over eight million dollars was built for the film, and yet it grossed less than two million. This film was a financial and critical blunder, yet in my opinion, it was one of the decade's BEST films. Why? Perhaps if it had some ghosts, goblins, monsters, and giant sea creatures; maybe throw in several 45 minute long battle and fight scenes, with arms and heads flying, blood and gusts spewing everywhere; Maybe if Captain Red would have been some handsome, strapping, young, fellow, who in the end gets the beautiful girl, who is far above his station; And if Disney would have had their name attached to it; Then perhaps this film would have been a so-called success.But this is not that kind of movie. This is a movie that has grit and charm. It is a movie that does an excellent job balancing our all too often, inaccurate, romantic visions of eighteenth century pirates, with a realism in both language and mannerisms, along with a genuine attitude and presence. The characters are real, complete, and believable. The script is creative, intelligent and authentic. The acting is nothing short of amazing; starting with Walter Mathau's who IS Captain Thomas Bartholomew Red, and continuing with The Frog, Lieutenant Don Alfonso de la Torré, Boomako, the Surgeon, Padre, and the list goes on and on.Not what I would necessarily call a comedy, the entire film is laced with witty humor. I do not recall bursting aloud so much, as wearing a constant grin through-out, and chuckling time and time again.The music is inspiring, and the cinema photography is breathtaking.This movie takes you on a fun and exciting adventure, and it is not until the credits roll that you realize this was only a movie, and you were never really there.

CelluloidRehab When I was a kid growing up I got into this PC game called Sid Meier's Pirates. I wanted to do everything pirate related. For some reason I never fully identified with the Errol Flynn pirate. He was always a good guy, who got caught up in the circumstances and was still trying to be a good guy. He was always chivalrous, clean and relatively good looking. Thank the contents of Davey Jones' locker for Roman Polanski. In all honesty, it was the VHS cover that first attracted me to this movie : Walter Matthau dressed up as a disheveled looking Captain Morgan, cutlass drawn and pointed as us.The movie revolves mainly around the exploits of the stool-legged Captain Bartholomew Red (Mathau) and his French first mate (who at times resembles dinner), the Frog. On the heels of their last adventure (see Boca del Toro), the movie starts out in the middle of the ocean with our two protagonists on a raft floating around, mad with hunger. After encountering a Spanish galleon (the Neptune) and performing a self-rescue, the story shifts into main gear : the Aztec Throne of Zapotec Anahuak.This is by far my favorite pirate movie. It has all the right elements - action, adventure, ship battles, wooden appendages, sword fighting, humor, barrels of rum, gold, prison, cross dressing, cockney accents, love, large feathery hats, giant wigs and even the attractive Charlotte Lewis (remember Eddie's love interest from the Golden Child). Walter Matthau is clearly the standout character in this movie. His Captain Red is an amalgamate of various pirates but yet stands on its own because of Matthau. Red is haughty, greedy, ambitious, inspirational, conniving, and single-minded when it comes to gold. This is made all the more apparent by the juxtapose to his highly idealistic first mate. Where as Captain Jack Sparrow is a bit on the weaselly side, Captain Red is more like a scraggly wolf. It was also beneficial that Matthau was a tall 6 foot 3 inches tall, giving Captain Red a larger than life persona. If not for Keith Richards, I think Captain Red could have been more than an appropriate inspiration for Mr. Depp.Roman Polanski does an excellent job in de-glamorizing the pirate lifestyle. Even Captain Jack Sparrow is a bit on the tame side (Thank You Disney). If Errol Flynn was the prototype, then Walter Matthau is the grittier, colorized version. What Polanski did for vampires with the Fearless Vampire Killers, he does the same for the pirate genre with this movie. On top of the typical "pirate" behavior, Polanski has even added commentary on the day. This would include the class divisions between the officers and crew, the political strife between the English, Dutch, French and the haughty Spanish (the RIAA of the day) and the unquenchable lust for gold.This movie was maligned by the critics when it came out and has since sunk into anonymity. This should not be so. It contains one of Matthau's best performances and is the best pirate movie ever made. Unfortunately, if you don't like pirates or adventure movies, then you probably will like the English Patient and not this. For everyone else, I highly recommend the Spanish (manga films) region 2 DVD of this movie (presented in anamorphic 16x9).-Celluloid Rehab

sol- One can easily see that Roman Polanski was trying to ride on the success of his early comedy 'The Fearless Vampire Killers!' when making this film. The protagonists and love interests in both films are nearly identical, however in 'Pirates', the cast and crew do not manage to do nearly as good as a job. To be fair, some of the crew give good contributions, such as the costumes by Anthony Powell, and Philippe Sarde's great music score, however these points barely atone at all for the overall picture. It is more often stupid than it is funny, with the same old jokes recycled during the film - the shark pun fails particularly poorly. It is mostly just a mixture of being absurd and revolting, with little in the way of a story, and towards the end it is just messy. It could be argued that Matthau gives it his all - perhaps he does - but the results are not too great. There is enough in this film to save it from being an utter disaster, but still, it is not a very good film.

Benjamin Cox What is it about famous directors and pirate movies? Spielberg famously completed "Hook" while he took a break from directing "Schindler's List" and the great Roman Polanski gives us "Pirates". I'd love to know what was on his mind at the time - what was he thinking about because clearly something was occupying his thoughts. This is muddled, poorly cast and way too dull to be a proper pirate movie.Walter Matthau is roped in to play Captain Red, a scurvy sea-dog with an occasional East London accent (it changes from time to time, for some reason) and a French companion called Frog (Cris Campion). Together, they drift on the high seas starving and thirsty until they are fortunate enough to come across a Spanish galleon, led by the villainous Don Alfonso de la Torré (Damien Thomas). After leading the crew on a mutiny, Captain Red believes his luck may be about to change for the better. But the Spanish have other ideas...Before I start to list the things I don't like about "Pirates" (and it is a list, sadly), I have to say that the costumes look fantastic. Couldn't fault those at all. Captain Red looks like a real pirate (pegleg and all) while the Spanish are all decked out like the foppish dandies that they are, curled wigs and thin moustaches. Top notch. The ship that forms the basis of the power struggle, the Neptune, also looks incredible. Having spent a fair amount of time on a replica ship of a similar nature, I feel that the Neptune is a fine vessel and looks perfectly at home on screen. Sadly, the same amount of effort was not given to the story or direction. Polanski seems to have had an off-day here, for whatever reason, as the film takes ages to hit its stride and when it does, you are far too bored to care. This is also a major problem with the casting. All the Spanish characters speak in perfect Queen's English, a mismatch not exactly helped when they look like courtiers in the court of Charles I.Only Matthau seems to have any interest in the thing, growling and hobbling his way through the picture while almost everyone else looks as blank as a sheet of printer paper. Campion's French accent is barely noticeable and the strange black guy in the brig (I think he was a chef but I can't remember his name or the actor who played him) had the word "quota" stamped all over him. This wouldn't be so bad if he served any purpose but he doesn't. As the film progresses, it turns into a sort of "Carry On Walking Up The Plank" with terrible cross-dressing, farcical fight scenes and yo-ho-hoeing for all they are worth. Pirates of the Caribbean was more realistic than this and I'm talking about the Disney ride! In short, it does nothing to further anyone's career and is probably ideal if you're having trouble sleeping. Unless you must watch every Polanski film ever made or you fancy the frankly bizarre sight of Michael Elphick trying to sound Spanish, there isn't much to recommend here.