Sam Panico Merry Christmas, everyone, it's time to descend into the absolute nadir of scummy movies and watch something that parents were right to worry about their kids watching.Christmas 1971. Billy Chapman and his family go to see his grandfather in a nursing home. The silent, senile old man just sits there, but when Billy's parents walk away, he tells him that he should be afraid when Santa comes, because he knows that Billy hasn't been a good boy. On the way back, Billy's parents slow down so he can see Santa walk along the road. Billy is already freaked out, but then Santa shoots Billy's dad before raping and killing his mother - all while Billy and his infant brother Ricky watch.Christmas 1974. Billy and Ricky celebrate in an orphanage. Well, there's not much to celebrate. There's non-stop punishment from Mother Superior and only Sister Margaret and Ricky are there to help Billy. Every holiday, our hero goes insane, drawing pictures of Santa killing his family and punching people dressed like Santa.Christmas 1984. Sister Margaret gets Billy a job at a toy store, where things seem to be looking up. Billy even gets a love interest, Pamela, who he has wet dreams about that are interrupted by visions of Santa killing his family. Alright, I lied. Nothing is looking up, because Billy's boss has a new job for him: he has to be Santa for Christmas Eve.There's a scene where Billy tells a young girl on his lap that he's going to punish her - while two moms look on approvingly - that is total insanity. Sister Margaret calls while this is happening to see how Billy is doing, only to learn that he's doing the one job he never should be doing. There's a party in the store and Billy leaves on the Santa suit. The owner tells Billy to keep on drinking and he'll think he really is Santa Claus. Pamela leaves with Andy, the employee that always gives Andy a hard time. As Billy follows, he sees them making out, but soon Andy starts to rape his love interest. Billy responds in the way that any rational human being would: he hangs Andy with Christmas lights and stabs Pamela while describing how punishment is good.Billy has followed his boss' advice: time to do what Santa does on Christmas Eve. Billy's version of Santa? His job is to kill. Billy lives up to that job description by killing his boss with a hammer and the store manager with a bow and arrow. Seriously, this movie has gone off the rails. Even scenes where people sing carols take on menace and dread.Billy can't stop his rampage now. He kills a young couple just for having sex, impaling the girl on a deer's antlers and throwing the guy out the window. Talk about reindeer games! He then wakes up a little girl in the house and keeps asking her if she was naughty or nice. When she answers nice, he gives her a knife!Don't be a bully harassing sled riders in Billy's neighborhood either, because he'll chop your head right off.Sister Margaret turns to the police, who rush to the orphanage. One of the cops screws up on arrival and kills a cop dressed as Santa right in front of a kid. Santa lives matter! He pays for his naughtiness by getting axed by Billy, who makes his way into the building to confront Mother Superior. She taunts Billy, telling him she doesn't believe in Santa. Billy goes to kill her and is shot by a cop. Sister Margaret is sad that Billy is dead and tenderly touches his face. Yep, a nun is sad that a serial killing Santa Claus has been stopped from killing another nun. Such is this movie.Billy dies, but not before telling the kids "You're safe now, Santa Claus is gone." Ricky, his brother, looks at Mother Superior and says one word: naughty.Needless to say, I loved this movie. It's a gutter crawling piece of pure garbage, perfect for my holiday season. I savored it by literally screaming my throat raw whilst dancing around my living room in pure holiday celebration!

Foreverisacastironmess This is one of the best Christmas-themed horror movies I ever saw, I was surprised at how well made it was when I first watched it. It was quite competently put together and for an 80's slasher very measured and slow-burning in how it tells the story. I had a feeling I'd find it a fun one when the glorious little title with the animated blood popped up, such a classic touch! It tells its story in a very straightforward and even blunt manner, and as opposed to most slasher movie killers where you only learn who they are and what their insane motivation is in the last ten minutes or so, this movie establishing everything that happens in the killer's life in the first half hour, that twists him from innocent child to axe-wielding maniac and leads up to his Christmas Eve night of terror. His progression is layered, and it forces you to sympathise and relate to the killer as a character despite the horrific things that he does, and that was a clever and different approach to me when I watched it. So a little kid named Billy, his slobbery baby brother and their parents decide it'd be a great idea to go visit the seemingly comatose grandpa one Christmas, only for the wily old coot to spring to life when everyone except for poor little Billy leaves the room, and he tells him a terrifying fact about Santa that puts the fear of god into him, and oh my but Will Hare as that crazy grandpa was so epic, what a hilarious and deliciously creepy blast he made that scene, you the man gramps! Soon after the tyke sees his parents murdered by a crook in a Santa Claus outfit, and he and his brother get raised in a catholic run orphanage, which further traumatises and warps his impressionable young mind thanks to the puritanical influence of the abusive mother superior. The scene where the much uglier young Billy punches out the Santa that he's been forced to sit on in order to conquer his Santa Claus-strophobia cracks me up every time. Flash forward to where the now handsome and wholesome-looking youth that Billy has become at 18, is given a job at a toy store around Christmas time where they soon stick him in a Santa suit, which really starts the meltdown gears turning as he essentially becomes the terrible punisher of the naughty that he's always feared. Then the final straw that truly breaks the psychological camel's back and causes him to go over the edge for good is when, while working late one night he sees a coworker attempting to rape the first girl he's ever been interested in, and after she doesn't respond very well to his gruesome rescue of her from her assailant he kills her and embarks on a murderous Yuletide rampage of blood! And it's a great little rampage, his (now) trademark war-cries of "Naughty!" And "Punish!" as he punishes the naughty are so ridiculous yet so awesome and they fit right into the tone. There's some good suspenseful sequences and gorily satisfying kills, with the dickhead on the sled getting his ugly head lopped off mid-ride and the always cool and lovely Linnea Quigley getting impaled on reindeer antlers being the ones that stand out. And then as the picture reaches it's end it's a bit of a tragic end for Billy as he's gunned down before he can strike the only one that perhaps deserved his rage, and as he dies clawing at the crippled mother superior's dress and she looks down on him dispassionately and gets away unscathed after she was partly to blame for he monster he turned into, the notion that she could be seen as the real villain of the movie is pretty unmistakable. Then I love that groan-inducing classic twist in the tale as it pans to Billy's younger brother who gives the mother superior a nasty look and says "Naughty!", strongly implying that he himself may someday be going crazy for Christmas, and we all know what came of that(!) So I really don't believe that this movie deserved whatsoever all the s**t that was heaped upon it way back at the time of its release, besides being harmless, it was absolutely not the first thing ever to bring Santa and horror together. I don't think it taints the Christmas Spirit at all, in a way I think it screams it - be damn good or die!!! Despite being chock full of blood and death, it still strangely does have a certain nice festive feel to it, I love how eerie and sinister they make the moving Christmas mascots in the department store seem, and the soundtrack really suits it, even some of the more schmaltzy and downright dumb song choices that make it feel like a sitcom. What a shame though that the film was robbed of its prime that way by a petty flash in a pan media circus. But hey it's certainly found its place now as a 'cult' horror flick, to use a term I don't personally like. It deserves to be appreciated and remembered though definitely, because it's a nasty Christmassy horror movie that's a lot of fun, don't need no more reason than that! And the joke ultimately was kind of on them as the minor controversy gave the movie a touch of infamy. So while it's not a slasher I could watch every week, it's still a very enjoyable, entertaining and solid horror film and the best in a series of increasingly bizarre sequels. Watch around the happy holidays for a slashing good time! Ho-ho-horror!! x

bowmanblue I've watched numerous 'slasher' films over the years, so I flatter myself I've seen most things when it comes to the genre, but 'Silent Night, Deadly Night' kind of left me speechless. Yes, there's nothing that new about what you get here – killer stalks various people and despatches them in bloodthirsty ways. However, the whole feel of the film just left me unsure of what I was watching.This 'vibe' I'm talking about is either a deliberate attempt to do something a little different with the genre, or just bad film-making. I think there are arguments for and against each of these. I'm not sure whether the structure was supposed to be all over the place, but I was left never really sure where this film was going until about the final third (where it does start to conform to a more generic slasher film structure).You've probably seen the promotional material depicting a 'killer Santa' so I'll just leave it at that and I won't go into too much detail regarding the plot because I'd never seen the film before and I genuinely didn't know what to expect (besides the obvious slasher stuff). There are some bits that are actually quite neat and offer a slightly more refreshing take to a genre which was already pretty old when this film was released in 1984.Then you have bits of the film which suddenly become so damn cheesy and daft that you wonder whether this is a film that's a little more 'self aware' than you gave it credit for. Bits of it are so over the top I could see them being parodied on something like South Park.The gore isn't great, most likely due to budget restraints, so don't expect too much of the red stuff or any death scenes that you haven't already seen before. It may all be a bit tame (and very dated!) by today's standards, but, if you're looking for a classic slasher film with a few weird quirks and things you might not expect, this one may do the job.

Thomas Luckens This is one of the most heart warming Christmas movies ever. A Santa Claus that goes around and shoots stupid people just makes me believe that there is a god. God would allow this to happen, right? Right. So anyway, this movie is great if you like death. I know I like to see little kids' parents murdered on Christmas. Those little noise makers don't deserve a mom or dad anyway. In fact, they shouldn't even get Christmas. They deserve a hard slap on the face or an axe to the face. My two favorite parts are when Santa kills a dumb store cashier. I loved watching this guy die, knowing he wouldn't be able to have Christmas again. Eh, his family won't miss him. Maybe his wife will go insane and kill their children. I hope that's what happened. And then he kills a boy's parents. He tried to rape the mother, which would have been hilarious. He then slaps her and slits her throat. Way to go, mom. What else are you going to ruin for your poor son? And the dad is just plain stupid. I was glad to see him go. And for some reason, he didn't kill the noisy baby. Jesus that baby is noisy. I wish he would have just ended it's life right there in the car. The rest of the movie is okay. Plenty of abuse and death to make you lose your faith in God. Here's to spending Christmas with the devil. It's nice to know the ones who were killed are burning away in eternal flames. I hate those people. They deserved to die. To wrap this review up, the movie will definitely make you believe in Santa again. Happy holidays and go kill some horrible parents. It's what "God" wants you to do, apparently.