Idiot-Deluxe Here's a question for you - JUST WHAT IN THE HELL ARE THEY THINKING WHEN THEY MAKE MOVIES THIS BORING!!!!!!Let me briefly try to recreate my experience with "The Astro Zombies". Have you ever had an otherwise great day and found yourself in a good mood early in the evening AND THEN you see a movie that is so painfully boring and loathsomely miserable that it literally, completely and utterly destroys your mood? Well, that's exactly what The Astro Zombies did to me not long ago.The perpetrator of this crime, that being The Astro Zombies of course, is Ted V. Mikles. And speaking on the matter of untalented movie director's of past or present, I thought only -Jerry Warren- could put together a movie this boring, but now the lame and lifeless movies of Ted V. Mikels has come to light. Mikles is yet another name whose been added to the ever growing list of woeful director's (that have no business being behind a camera), who are guilty of polluting the world with "their brand" of insufferably lame, boring and pointless so-called entertainment. Pure dreck Ted, pure dreck.1967's The Astro Zombies is the subject of review here and as I delicately mentioned, it's an astonishingly boring movie - which drains it's viewers energy with each passing minute. The plot (too deep a word), the "jist" of this film is a mash-up of ideas, that clumsily revolves around some pseudo-science about bringing human corpses back to life, with a certain radio frequency and creating thus "zombies". Mutiple parties are interested in capitalizing on: The Idea of the Century and for the next 90 minutes you're treated to a horrendously lame and vapidly paced movie, comprised primarily of a mishmash of scenes involving: people casually driving around in cars (always a show-stopper!), turgid disinteresting discussions inside police stations (though Wendel Correy's boozey voice is mildly amusing), pointless laboratory scenes that are absolutely and completely static (see the most boring of the movie about an hour in), a bar scene with some colorful nude dancing (this provides the movies ONLY real sign of life) a couple of stock shoot em' up scenes between cops and crooks and if you haven't yet reached your quota for pointless and underwhelming scenes of pure drudgery on cheap and dated-looking laboratory sets JUST WAIT - because this movie really packs them in, each more tedious then the last. Astro Zombies provides yet another truly embarrassing role for an aging John Carradine (the movies only big name), he plays something of a mad-scientist character and he's joined by an diminutive actor (who sports an epically greasy head of black hair) who plays the role of "lab-assistant", essentially just another stock-Igor character who adds little to the proceedings - pure formula, you could say. I mentioned Carradine being a mad scientist, however, he's not very mad, in fact he's not mad in the slightest, here, sadly and all to obviously, John's just an old man who's totally bored and indifferent with his role, in a yet another crappy and entirely forgettable B-movie. "Entirely forgettable" that phrase handily sums up this movie as a whole. Udderly amateurish would also be accurate.Another angle of The Astro Zombies, is this movies attempts to show off the "current hi-tech" which was, not surprisingly, abysmally lame; my favorite example of this, was the zombie detecting radio receiver, that was rigged together from old radio parts. LAME! Though, sadly, I've seen lamer yet (see my review for "The Dead Talk Back"). Though that is to be expected, as low-budget movies (especially in the days of yore) never have good-looking or expensive high-tech sets - never.On the positive side, I can say that the formally lovely Tura Satana (busty Sexploitation queen of the 60's and 70's) is quite an eyeful and looks striking in the assortment of dresses she goes through throughout the movie (you can tell that was one of the main draws in the directors mind, dressing up his leading lady in as many sexy dresses as possible) but that's hardly reason enough to sit and suffer through this woeful bore of a movie."One of the most boring movies ever" - that only begins to sum it up. It should literally be illegal and considered a crime to produce and release movies that are as boring as The Astro Zombies and in a decent world, such films would result in permanent Hollywood blacklisting, in conjunction with a series of steep fines piled on top for good measure.Judging from what I've seen, I'd say Astro Zombies indeed "out-bores" these other notoriously boring flicks (The List, is as follows): The Wild, Wild World of Bat-Woman - The Curse of Bigfoot - The Incerdible Petrified World - Night Fright - Frankenstein Island - The Beast of the Yucca Flats and Manos: The Hands of Fate. And to out-bore THOSE titles is a very tall order indeed. (Note* Jerry Warren was the director responsible for three of the titles on that list).To put it another way, someone who's in a terminal-coma would probably find this movie SO BORING, that it would drain them of life even further.... so that not a single spark of life remains. Good job, Ted you were the master.

order-27 Am writing this review many years after seeing this film. I'm a pretty avid film-goer, and I've only wanted to walk out of a movie two or three times over many, many years, but I absolutely could not sit through this and left maybe halfway through.The acting was bad, the plot, what there was of it, was bad, the editing was bad, the pacing was terrible... I don't remember all the details, but I remember the increasing pressure in my brain telling me to get out before I exploded.This is not in the same class as Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, which was a deliberately done bad movie which means that there was a lot of good stuff to laugh at, and not even in the same class as Plan 9 From Outer Space, whose badness at least made me laugh.

oscar-35 This is a terrible video that is not really watchable. It can't really be reviewed because it doesn't really exists for real film buffs. It is not 'empty calories', which implies some pleasure, but is simply empty and boring. It's a dramatic void where a story, plot, pacing, and performance ought to be. It's a collection of promotable empty elements strung together until it's time for the next film. The "Astro Zombies" is vapid even by the standards of other 'D' films/videos. Also this 'Zombies' is limp and is an insult to the venerable horror films and their exploits that it's based on. With no plot, characters or 'lines' worth experiencing, let alone remember, this video merely occupies space and hopes for the best.

Flixer1957 Demented Dr. DeMarco has figured out a way to create Astro-Zombies–that is, wildly gyrating actors wearing skull masks. His methods involve organs being removed--usually from lovely women, of course. The Feds want to stop him. Villains led by statuesque Tura Satana want his formula. Most viewers probably wanted their money back. John Carradine plays DeMarco with all the professionalism he can muster. Satana's costumes showcase the twin talents that made her a Russ Meyer star. She also throws a nasty karate kick, just as her Mexican cohort brandishes a mean switchblade–never let it be said that Ted V. Mikels let a stereotype go by. Another character jokes about "becoming a lush;" that line is in ill taste since co-star Wendell Corey–who died after filming–was suffering from acute alcoholism. On the funny side: there's never more than one Astro-zombie on screen at any time; must be the local Woolworth's only had one skull mask in stock. One Astro-zombie manages to lose his "photo cell" and pursues victims while holding a flashlight up to his head to keep going. Toy tanks and robots appear for no logical reason under the credits. Old VHS tapes titled SPACE VAMPIRES ran a mere 77 minutes. I recently saw a 91-minute DVD that featured some surprising bits of cheesecake early on and gore toward the end. I bet co-scripter/co-producer Wayne Rogers never mentioned this five-cent fiasco to his buddies on the set of M*A*S*H.